Adolescence—the magical time when your teen suddenly becomes the CEO of their own life, and you’re left wondering if your job as "parent" just got outsourced. One minute they’re asking for help with laundry, and the next they’re declaring, “I’ve got this!” as they make a choice that leaves you speechless.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The struggle for autonomy is real, messy, emotional, and often a little bit funny—and it happens in every household.

When teens push for independence, they’re essentially saying:

“I want to run my own life now… but also, what should I eat for lunch?”

It can be confusing, sure. But it's also completely normal and important.

This push for autonomy is how teens figure out who they are, what they stand for, and how they want to show up in the world. It’s the foundation of adulthood. Without this awkward experimentation phase, life would be a never-ending episode of "What do I do now?"

Let’s be honest—watching your kid make mistakes is way harder than making your own.

• questionable outfits
• bedroom floors resembling an avalanche zone
• baffling priorities
• half-finished tasks scattered like confetti

You might think, “Why are we doing this again?”
Meanwhile, your teen thinks, “Why won’t they trust me?”

It’s all part of the dance:
Teens push. Parents pull. And everyone ends up tripping over emotions, deadlines, and shoes.

Here’s how the cycle usually goes:

Teen: “I need freedom!”
Parent: “Okay… but… wait…”
Teen: “You’re controlling!”
Parent: “I’m not controlling—I’m concerned!”
Everyone: Sighs loudly and walks away, retreating to their respective corners.

If this sounds like your household, take a deep breath.
This isn’t failure.
This is development.

If your autonomy tug-of-war has turned into a full-contact sport, therapy can be a game-changer. A therapist offers a calm, neutral space where both teens and parents can:

• Understand why certain behaviors trigger strong reactions
• Learn communication strategies that build trust
• Set boundaries that support both independence and safety
• Reduce conflict and increase connection
• Stop yelling at socks (…or at least yell at them less)

Think of therapy as your secret strategy meeting—no judgment, just teamwork and tools for navigating the chaos with less stress and more laughs.

If your family could use support navigating this season, I’d be honored to help. If you'd like to meet with me or another ALCS therapist, please contact our office. 

The holiday season is often a time of joy, connection, and celebration – yet for many people in recovery, it can also bring a mix of anxiety, pressure, and emotional triggers. You may notice a quiet internal conflict rising within you: Why am I feeling pulled back toward old habits? Why does being around family feel so activating? How can this season feel both joyful and so heavy?  

You might find yourself navigating gatherings where alcohol is the centerpiece, managing complicated family dynamics, or feeling old memories resurface as the year comes to a close. If you’re walking the path of sobriety, this season can feel both beautiful and overwhelming. The good news? You are not alone, and there are intentional steps you can take to stay grounded, supported, and connected to your why.

Substance use is rarely about the substance itself – it’s about the feelings underneath. During the holidays, many people experience:

• Old family roles or unresolved conflict
• Grief resurfacing around traditions or the passage of time
• Loneliness, even when surrounded by others
• Social pressure to drink and “have fun” or "just relax"

These emotional layers are real, and they deserve attention with compassion - not judgment.

Sobriety brings clarity. And with clarity often comes new awareness of the people, places, and emotions that feel activating.

Holiday triggers might look like:

• A family member offering you a drink without thinking
• Watching others indulge in ways you used to
• Stress, grief, or unresolved family tension

Noticing these moments doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re human.
Awareness is one of the most powerful tools you have in recovery.

Preparation isn’t about overthinking – it’s about protecting your peace. Consider:

• Bringing your own non-alcoholic drink
• Attending a meeting before or after a gathering
• Driving yourself so you can leave early if you need to
• Having a supportive friend or sponsor on standby

Your sobriety is worth planning for. You’re allowed to prioritize the version of yourself you’re becoming.

If you feel tempted, overwhelmed, or even if you slip – shame keeps you stuck. Compassion is what helps you grow.

The holidays are messy for a lot of people. You are not behind. You are not broken. You are human.

Recovery wasn’t meant to be done alone.
Whether it’s a sponsor, your counselor, a meeting, or a trusted friend who understands your story, keep connection close. Support makes the journey lighter.

You don’t owe anyone access to you at the expense of your well-being.
It’s okay to set boundaries. It’s okay to decline an invitation. It’s okay to leave early.

Sobriety is a relationship with yourself – and sometimes self-love sounds like, “Not this year."

If the holidays are stirring up old habits or raising questions about your relationship with substances, you don't have to face those feelings alone. Counseling can help you explore those patterns with curiosity instead of shame, build coping skills, and create a plan that supports the version of yourself you’re trying to grow into.

I would be honored to walk alongside you through this season.

Lizzie works with older children (age 10 and up), teens, adults, and couples as they navigate  anxiety, depression, ADHD, grief, addiction, and life transitions. She incorporates creativity and expressive arts into her work and is especially passionate about supporting clients through identity development, relational struggles, and seasons of change. If you would like to meet with Lizzie or another ALCS counselor, please contact our office.

Crunchy leaves, crisp breeze, fall colors, and the delicious flavors of pumpkin and peppermint have returned. A certain peace begins to settle as the rhythm for winter. At first, the shorter days can feel cozy—a time for rest and reflection. But for some, the early sunsets and long nights can send them into a slump.

Many people tell themselves, “I can wait it out until spring.” But when the darkness outside starts to feel like it’s settling inside too, it may be a sign of something deeper—something that deserves care, not dismissal.

What’s often called the “winter blues” can actually be a form of depression known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). It’s common, real, and treatable. Shorter days, reduced sunlight, and changes in routine can all disrupt our mood, sleep, and energy levels.

This can look like:

• Feeling low, irritable, or tearful more days than not
• Sleeping more, but still feeling tired
• Difficulty concentrating or finding motivation
• Pulling away from friends, family, or activities you usually enjoy
• Craving carbs and comfort foods, or noticing changes in appetite

It may be easy to label yourself as lazy or unmotivated—but this isn’t about willpower. It’s a natural biological and emotional response to seasonal change. Your body and mind are asking for care, not criticism.

The darker months can challenge our emotional rhythms, but they can also be a time to reconnect with ourselves in gentler ways. Building small moments of light into your day—like sitting near a sunny window, taking a morning walk, or checking in with how you really feel—can make a difference.

Maintaining a steady sleep schedule, getting regular movement, and reaching out for connection can also help stabilize your mood.

Sometimes, though, these steps aren’t enough on their own—and that’s okay. Together, we can navigate this season with compassion and practical tools that fit your life. I often approach SAD with creativity and reflection, helping you process emotions in ways that feel natural and healing. Therapy can offer space to explore the heaviness, rediscover what brings you energy, and find light again, even when days feel dim.

When we try to push through on our own, symptoms can linger and deepen. What begins as a slump can quietly grow into depression that affects relationships, work, and overall wellbeing.

You don’t have to wait for spring to start feeling better—and you don’t have to navigate this alone. Healing is possible, even in life’s colder seasons. There is always a path forward—one step, one session, one small moment of light at a time.

If this season feels heavier than usual, you don’t have to push through alone. Counseling can help you understand what your body and mind are asking for. I would be honored to walk alongside you to create space for warmth, light, and healing— helping you to feel grounded, supported, and renewed even on the darkest days.

The holidays are a time that can bring both joy and stress. Many people look forward to time with family, yet it can also stir up anxiety, guilt, or tension. Between unspoken expectations and the pressure to keep everyone happy, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs.

In therapy, we can work together to explore what makes this season challenging for you and use tools from DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and values-based therapy or boundary work to help you feel more confident and grounded.

Even in loving families, old roles and patterns can resurface quickly. You might find yourself people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, or feeling responsible for everyone’s emotions. These reactions make sense — our nervous systems often remember family dynamics long after our minds do.

In our work together, my hope is that we can help you slow down, understand what is happening internally when a specific reaction is triggered, and then practice new ways of responding that align with your values rather than responding out of old habits or guilt.

In therapy, we can use tools from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to help you to navigate family dynamics with clarity and confidence. These tools aren't one-size-fits-all — they’re meant to help you identify what feels most important to you in any given situation. Sometimes that means prioritizing connection, sometimes prioritizing your peace, and sometimes finding a balance of both. None of those choices are selfish, they're about finding what is right for you and your specific situation.

One of the tools we might practice in our work together is DEAR MAN, a step-by-step approach for expressing your needs clearly and calmly. It stands for:

• Describe the situation 
• Express how you feel 
• Assert what you need 
• Reinforce the positive outcome 
• (stay) Mindful 
• Appear confident 
• Negotiate as needed 

Before heading into time with family, it can be helpful to reflect on questions like:

• What truly matters to me this season?
• What boundaries will help me feel safe and grounded?
• Where do I tend to overextend myself?

In therapy, we can identify your core values and how to honor them in relationships. Boundaries aren’t walls, they’re acts of kindness —  to yourself and to the people you care about. When you're clear on what’s most important to you, it becomes easier to say no with confidence and yes with intention.

As we work together, you can begin to approach family dynamics from a place of emotional regulation rather than reactivity. You may still experience uncomfortable moments, but you’ll also have tools to stay grounded, express yourself clearly, and protect what matters most.

I offer individual and couples therapy at our North Austin office, and if you’d like support practicing these skills and creating new patterns in your relationships, I’d be honored to walk with you. Together, we can build more balance, connection, and peace — this season and beyond.

When depression feels heavy — slowing your body, clouding your thoughts, and making everyday tasks overwhelming — it can feel like there’s no way forward. In this post, Catherine Cain, LMSW (supervised by Melissa Gould, LCSW-S), explains how depression affects both the body and mind, and how therapy can provide gentle, practical steps toward balance, hope, and healing.

Depression can feel like carrying a weight that lives in both your body and your mind. It may sit heavy in your chest, tighten your muscles, slow your movements, and cloud your thoughts. Even the simplest tasks — getting out of bed, making a meal, or responding to a message — can feel overwhelming.

Depression isn’t weakness. It’s your nervous system signaling that it has gotten stuck in patterns of hyperactivity or shutdown, making it hard to feel present, motivated, or connected. What feels like heaviness is often your body’s way of asking for care and balance. Healing becomes possible when we give attention to the body, mind, and relationships, and make space for safety, support, and renewal.

Research shows that depression isn’t just “in your head” — it often shows up in the body. Psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk, in his book The Body Keeps the Score, explains how trauma and stress can be carried physically, even when our minds believe we’ve moved on. You might notice this as:

• Heavy limbs or muscle tightness
• Shallow or restricted breathing
• Restlessness or feeling stuck
• Emotional numbness or disconnection

Peter A. Levine, Ph.D., the developer of Somatic Experiencing® (SE™) — a naturalistic and neurobiological approach to healing trauma — describes these patterns as signals of unresolved stress in the nervous system. In other words, your body isn’t failing you; it’s doing its best to cope with overwhelm. With gentle attention, care, and restorative rhythms, the nervous system can begin to regulate itself again, allowing energy and mood to shift over time.

Depression may feel like an obstacle, but it can also be a messenger. The heaviness, fatigue, and lack of energy may be telling you:

• Your body needs pause and gentle movement
• Your mind needs space to reflect and gain clarity
• Your heart needs quiet and restorative practices

Rather than a sign of failure, depression is your body’s way of asking you to slow down and care for yourself. Paying attention to these signals can be the beginning of healing.

I work alongside clients to notice the signals they are experiencing, to explore what their body and mind are communicating, and to develop practices that feel meaningful and attainable. Together, we look for rhythms that restore balance and bring hope.

Healing often happens in safe, supportive relationships. In therapy, I provide space to explore experiences without judgment, offering reflection, guidance, and strategies tailored to your needs. For many clients, spiritual connection with God — through prayer, reflection, or quiet moments — also provides grounding, hope, and perspective during difficult seasons.

The path out of depression is often gradual. At first, it can feel hard to notice your body, thoughts, and emotions with kindness. But step by step, with support and intentional practice, you can begin to reconnect with yourself and those around you.

It is possible to experience relief, joy, and hope again. If you’re ready to take the next step, I would be honored to walk with you. I offer depression counseling at our North Austin and Georgetown locations, where together we can create space for healing and renewal.

For specific questions, email Catherine at catherine@abundantlifecounseling.com .

Living with chronic anxiety is more than everyday stress — it’s an exhausting cycle that affects your body, mind, and relationships. You may wake up with a knot in your stomach, lie awake with racing thoughts, or carry constant tension that won’t let you rest.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why can’t I just get it together?” you are not broken. Anxiety has simply been working overtime to keep you “safe,” and with the right support, it is possible to step out of overdrive and move toward peace.

Chronic anxiety can show up in many ways:

• Racing thoughts that don’t stop, no matter how tired you are
• Muscle tension, stomach aches, or a constant feeling of restlessness
• Trouble sleeping or focusing, even when you want to

Beyond the physical symptoms, anxiety often carries a heavy emotional weight: shame, the fear of being “too much,” or worrying you’re a burden to others. It can make it hard to set boundaries, leave you overthinking every interaction, or keep you stuck between withdrawing and people-pleasing.

There’s a good reason anxiety feels so powerful: it’s wired into your nervous system. When your brain senses danger—real or imagined—it activates fight, flight, or freeze mode. For some people, that survival system gets stuck “on,” even when there’s no immediate threat.

Past experiences, perfectionistic tendencies, or trauma can reinforce these loops, teaching your brain that it always needs to be on guard. That’s why anxiety isn’t a weakness — it’s your nervous system adapting to protect you.

The hopeful news? With the right support, those neural pathways can change.

Therapy provides a safe space to slow down and untangle what anxiety has built up over time. It’s not about forcing yourself to “just stop worrying.” It’s about learning new ways to work with your body and mind.

Some approaches I use include:

• Nervous system regulation: grounding practices, breathwork, and body-based tools to calm the stress response
• Cognitive tools: gently challenging anxious thoughts and learning to reframe them
• ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy): noticing anxious thoughts without getting pulled into them, while building a life rooted in your deepest values
• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing): reprocessing past experiences or triggers so they no longer hold the same power, utilizing the brain's ability to rewire itself to create new patterns, reducing the nervous system’s reactivity
• Faith-based integration (per your request): weaving prayer, Scripture, or spiritual practices into the healing journey

Together, we would find what combination fits best for you.

My style is warm, collaborative, and non-judgmental. I believe healing happens when you feel safe enough to be fully yourself.

In sessions, we’ll explore both practical tools and deeper patterns. That may include grounding practices, journaling prompts, or guided prayers and affirmations if you’d like. You’ll always leave with something you can practice between sessions.

We’ll focus not only on relief — finding ways to calm anxiety in the moment — but also on transformation: building resilience, self-compassion, and a life where anxiety is no longer in the driver’s seat.

I’m passionate about walking with people through anxiety because I’ve seen how life can change when the weight begins to lift day by day. It is possible to experience deeper joy, abiding peace, and confidence in your everyday life.

If you’re ready to take steps toward healing, I would be honored to walk with you. I offer anxiety counseling at our North Austin and Georgetown locations, where together we can begin your journey toward peace and freedom.

Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, it’s never enough for God, or for others? Do you have messages about perfection, purity, or obedience that leave you carrying more shame than hope? If so, you are not alone. Many people who grew up in faith communities find themselves struggling with wounds from the very place they expected to find safety and love.

The good news? Harmful beliefs don’t have to define you. Healing is possible, and you have the freedom to reclaim your story.

For some, religious trauma is overt and unmistakably painful. For others, it doesn't come from a single big event, but builds slowly through subtle messages and experiences that quietly shape how you see yourself, others, and God. This might look like:

• Striving to please others or to be “perfect” because love has felt conditional
• Carrying shame from purity culture or past mistakes
• Living with fear of rejection or punishment from God
• Experiencing abuse or betrayal from someone who claimed to represent God
• Facing discrimination or exclusion because of your identity
• Witnessing hypocrisy in the church that leaves you feeling disillusioned

No matter the form it takes, the impact of religious trauma is real and deserves care, compassion, and support.

Healing often begins with naming what has been wounding. In therapy, there is space to sit with these experiences, grieve what was lost, and process the impact harmful beliefs or actions have had on your life. This work can be tender and uncomfortable, requiring patience and self-compassion as you learn to be present with grief and uncertainty.

Some questions you might explore include:

• Which beliefs have shaped me in ways that feel heavy or painful?
• What parts of my story need acknowledgment and grief?
• How can I offer myself compassion while navigating the unknown?
• How do I want to move forward in my relationship with myself, others, and possibly with God?

This process isn’t about finding one “right” answer. It’s about making space for both pain and possibility, and trusting that clarity and healing can gradually emerge in ways that feel authentic.

Healing from religious trauma looks different for everyone. For some, it may mean rediscovering God’s character in a way that feels loving, gracious, and freeing. For others, it may mean stepping back to grieve and process before reconnecting with faith — or deciding not to.

In therapy, there is no pressure to reach a specific conclusion. My role is to hold space for your questions, honor your story, and support you in exploring what brings peace, healing, and authenticity.

Religious trauma can feel confusing and isolating, but you don’t have to carry it alone. In therapy, we can explore your story, make space for both pain and possibility, and walk toward a path of freedom that reflects your values.

If you’re ready to take steps toward healing, I would be honored to walk with you. I offer therapy at our North Austin location, where together we can create a space for compassion, safety, and restoration.

When conversations with your partner seem to end in arguments, or when silence and distance leave you feeling alone, it’s easy to feel stuck or to wonder if something is “wrong” with your relationship. I hear these thoughts often from couples I work with, and I want you to know: you are not broken, and your relationship is not “unfixable.” The truth is, most couples get caught in painful cycles like this — and it doesn’t mean your relationship is beyond repair.

It can feel scary and isolating to be in that place. The good news is, there is a way forward. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), one of the most researched and effective approaches to couples counseling, can help you and your partner step out of the cycle and build closeness, trust, and safety again.

EFT is a research-based approach created by Dr. Sue Johnson, grounded in the idea that as humans, we are wired for connection. When that connection feels threatened, our brains and bodies react.

• For some, that looks like raising your voice, criticizing, or pushing for answers.
• For others, it looks like shutting down, withdrawing, or trying to keep the peace.

These reactions are not signs of failure. They are signs of deeper needs — for love, security, and reassurance. In EFT, we slow down the conflict to help you notice what’s really happening under the surface, and find new ways to respond to each other with care instead of defensiveness.

Many couples describe a version of the same cycle:

• One partner reaches out, sometimes with frustration or criticism.
• The other feels overwhelmed or inadequate and pulls away.
• The first partner feels abandoned and pushes harder.
• The cycle starts again.

If this sounds familiar, you are far from alone. In EFT, we call this the negative cycle, and it's one of the most common patterns couples get stuck in. On the surface, the fights may seem to be about dishes, bills, or parenting. But underneath are deeper questions: Do I matter to you? Can I rely on you? Are we still in this together?

EFT helps you and your partner name this cycle for what it is — the real issue isn’t each other, but the negative pattern you’ve both gotten stuck in. Recognizing the cycle is the first step toward breaking free of it. Once we can see the cycle for what it is, we can begin to pause it, name the needs underneath it, and open up new ways of reaching for each other.

At the heart of EFT is attachment — our deep need to feel safe, seen, and valued by the people closest to us. Just like children turn to caregivers for comfort, adults turn to their partners when life feels overwhelming. When those needs go unmet, it is easy to feel disconnected and alone.

EFT helps couples reconnect at that deeper level. In session, I often invite partners to share the more vulnerable feelings beneath the surface: “I get scared when I can’t reach you,” or “I need to know I matter to you.” These moments of vulnerability create powerful shifts, moving couples from defensiveness to openness, from distance to closeness, and from conflict to connection.

In our work together, we will:

• Identify the cycle that keeps you stuck.
• Explore the emotions and needs driving it.
• Practice new, more vulnerable ways of reaching for each other.
• Create space to respond with empathy and care, even in the midst of stress.

EFT is not about blame or figuring out who is “right.” It is about creating a safe space where both of you can feel heard, understood, and cared for. Research shows that EFT is one of the most effective approaches for couples therapy, and many describe not just resolving conflict, but also feeling closer and more connected than they have in years.

Being caught in the cycle can feel lonely and discouraging, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Relationships aren’t about avoiding conflict; they’re about learning how to move through conflict in a way that brings you closer.

If you and your partner are tired of repeating the same arguments, or if you feel the distance growing between you and wonder if you can get back to intimacy in your relationship, EFT may be the right fit. Together, we can slow down the cycle, make sense of the emotions underneath it, and build a relationship where both of you feel safe, valued, and deeply connected.

I would be honored to walk with you and your partner toward the relationship you long for. I offer EFT-based couples counseling at our North Austin location, and I would love to help you take the next step toward healing and connection.

Do you ever wonder why relationships feel so hard? If so, you are not alone. Many people come to therapy worried that because of their past, they are destined to repeat the same painful patterns. Maybe you’ve read about attachment theory and thought, “Well, I didn’t have the best start in life, so I guess I'm stuck with insecure attachment forever.”

The good news? That isn’t the whole story. With the right support, healing insecure attachment is possible.

A lot of writing about attachment focuses only on parents or caregivers. That makes sense; our parents often have the greatest influence early in our lives. If we grew up feeling like love was conditional, or that we had to earn affection, those lessons sink in deeply.

And while those early bonds matter, they aren't the only influence. In my experience as a therapist, I see how attachment patterns can also be shaped by many other relationships and experiences.

Think about:

• Your first romantic relationship and heartbreak
• Early friendships where you learned you had to people-please to be accepted
• A sibling who bullied you or made you feel small
• Traumatic experiences—whether “big T” trauma like abuse or assault, or “little t” trauma like neglect or chronic criticism

All of these moments can leave lasting imprints on how you see yourself and what you expect from others. Maybe your parents were loving and supportive, yet you still struggle with insecurity in friendships, romantic relationships, or other close connections. That is completely normal, and it’s not where you have to stay.

When we’ve been hurt, it’s common to carry stories like:

• “I have to keep people happy to be loved.”
• “If I open up, I’ll just get hurt.”
• “No one will really be there for me.”

These beliefs may have protected you at one point, but they can also keep you feeling stuck or disconnected. The important thing to know is that these stories are not permanent. They can be reshaped.

One of the most encouraging things about the brain is this: it can change! Thanks to neuroplasticity, your brain can form new patterns and pathways, no matter your history.

That means when you experience safe, supportive relationships—whether in therapy, friendships, or with a partner—you can begin to trust again. You can learn that your needs are not “too much.” You can discover that love and safety can exist side by side.

In attachment-based therapy, we can:

• Understand how old experiences shaped your view of relationships
• Notice the stories you’ve been carrying about yourself and others
• Begin creating new relational experiences that feel safe, secure, and authentic

Healing attachment wounds doesn’t mean erasing your past. It means rewriting the story your nervous system tells you about connection. With support, you can build relationships where you feel valued, safe, and truly seen.

In therapy, we can gently explore your past stories together and create space for new, healthier ways of relating, so you don’t have to carry those old patterns alone.

If you’re ready to explore your attachment story and move toward the kind of connection you long for, I would be honored to walk with you. I offer attachment-based therapy at our North Austin location, where together we can create space for healing, safety, and deeper connection.

Sometimes words just don’t feel like enough. You may struggle to find the right way to describe something, or the words you do find don’t quite capture the depth of what you’re experiencing. At other times, it can feel impossible to get what’s in your head out into the open. When words aren’t enough, expressive arts can become another language of healing.

I am not a certified expressive arts therapist, but I often incorporate creativity - through art, music, writing, or movement - into my counseling sessions. For many clients, these tools offer new ways to process emotions, explore identity, and discover strengths.

Expressive arts invite clients of all ages to use movement, music, art, drama, or writing in the counseling process. It isn’t about making art that belongs in a museum. Instead, it’s about creating space for growth, self-understanding, and healing in ways that go beyond talking.

Finding the “right thing to say” can sometimes feel overwhelming—or leave us feeling stuck. Expressive arts offer different tools for speaking the language of healing. This might look like:

• Drawing, painting, or making a collage
• Listening to music, creating a playlist, or reflecting on meaningful lyrics
• Stretching, moving, or dancing
• Journaling, writing poetry, telling a story, or writing a letter you may never send
• Practicing real-life situations through roleplay or using dolls in play

Just like traditional talk therapy, the heart of expressive arts lies in what comes up through the process. You won’t be handed supplies and left alone—your counselor will help guide, reflect, and explore the meaning behind what you create.

The focus isn’t on “good” or “bad” art. You won’t be judged on your painting, handwriting, or dance skills. What matters is being open to trying something new. Expressive arts can help build coping skills, provide a safe outlet for emotions, foster greater self-awareness, and even bring moments of playfulness and joy in the midst of difficulty.

Expressive arts open the door to creativity, curiosity, and self-discovery. Whether you’re a child finding ways to express big feelings, a teen learning to cope with anxiety, or an adult seeking new ways to heal and grow, creative expression can offer another pathway forward.

If you’re curious about how expressive arts might support your journey, I would love to walk with you. I incorporate expressive arts into counseling with children, teens, adults, and couples at our North Austin and Georgetown locations. Together, we can discover the healing language that works best for you.

Scrolling for hours on your phone? Telling yourself “just one more bite” but not being able to stop? Having a glass of wine, or two, or more, and waking up the next morning without remembering the night before? Feeling a rush as you swipe your credit card from store to store?

These everyday behaviors can quietly take over our lives. What starts small can grow into a cycle that feels hard to break. When people hear the word addiction, they often think only of alcohol or drugs. While those struggles are real and deserve care, other forms of addiction—like technology use, overeating, overworking, or compulsive spending—can also take a toll. Addiction counseling can help with all of these.

A common assumption is that addiction counseling is only for people in crisis, or only for those facing substance abuse. But addiction is less about what you’re doing, and more about why—how it impacts your wellbeing, your relationships, and your sense of control.

Addiction can show up in many ways, including:

• Endless scrolling on your phone, even when it keeps you from sleep or connection
• Spending money impulsively for a quick rush, but feeling shame later
• Eating to cope, whether through restriction, bingeing, or compulsive snacking
• Workaholism, where productivity becomes the measure of self-worth

One of the biggest barriers to seeking help is stigma. Many people avoid counseling because they fear being judged or labeled as an “addict.” But addiction is not a moral failure. It’s a response to pain, stress, or unmet needs. Everyone struggles in different ways. Admitting that a behavior has become unmanageable is not weakness—it’s an act of courage.

You don’t have to wait until you hit “rock bottom” to ask for help. Some signs that it may be time to consider addiction counseling include:

• You’ve tried to cut back on your own, but the cycle keeps repeating
• The behavior interferes with your sleep, work, school, or relationships
• You feel guilt, shame, or secrecy surrounding the behavior
• What once brought relief or joy no longer does—and may even feel like a trap

Even if you’re just questioning whether something has become too much, that curiosity itself is a powerful first step.

Addiction counseling isn’t about shame—it’s about support, understanding, and change. Together, we may focus on:

• Exploration: Identifying patterns, triggers, and what the behavior gives you in the moment
• Coping Tools: Building healthier ways to manage emotions, stress, and daily life
• Connection: Strengthening support through community, family, or trusted relationships
• Healing the Root: Gently addressing the deeper pain, trauma, or unmet needs fueling the cycle

These building blocks help create a stronger sense of control, healthier relationships, greater confidence, and the freedom to live with intention instead of compulsion.

Addiction counseling isn’t just for substances, and it isn’t just for “other people.” It’s for anyone who feels stuck in patterns that no longer serve them. Seeking help isn’t defeat—it’s choosing freedom, balance, and connection.

You don’t have to wait for rock bottom to reach out. Sometimes the bravest step is simply saying, “I want something different.”

If you’re ready to take that step, I would be honored to walk with you. I offer addiction counseling for teens and adults at our North Austin and Georgetown locations. Together, we can find new ways forward—ones that give you space to breathe, heal, and live fully.

Congratulations—you’re engaged! After saying “yes” to a proposal, the to-do list often begins to write itself: picking a date, making the guest list, booking a venue, shopping for a dress or suit, and planning the honeymoon. In the middle of such an exciting (and sometimes overwhelming) season, it’s easy to overlook something that can make a lasting difference for your future: premarital counseling.

That’s where SYMBIS (Save Your Marriage Before It Starts) comes in.

SYMBIS is an evidence-based roadmap created by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott to help couples navigate the most meaningful aspects of their relationship. Topics include finances, communication, intimacy, and conflict dynamics.

Just like your relationship, SYMBIS is unique. It adapts whether you’re dating long-term, newly engaged, or already married. It meets you where you are and honors your background, your goals, and your hopes for the future.

As a SYMBIS certified facilitator, I provide couples with an online portal to begin the assessment. Each partner answers a set of questions individually (it takes about 30 minutes). Once complete, I receive a detailed report highlighting patterns, strengths, and potential challenges.

The heart of SYMBIS happens in the counseling room. Together, we walk through the results and explore key areas such as:

• Mindset toward marriage
• Personal and emotional well-being
• Contextual strengths or stress (finances, family-of-origin, support systems)
• Relational dynamics (communication, intimacy, conflict styles, spiritual alignment, and more)

These conversations aren’t about labeling or diagnosing. Instead, they open the door for deeper connection. Using the report as a guide, we’ll use exercises, prompts, and honest dialogue to strengthen your relationship and build a shared vision for your future.

Depending on your needs, SYMBIS can be a focused 3–8 session process or a more in-depth series spread over 10+ sessions.

By the end of the process, couples often describe SYMBIS as having given them:

• A clearer understanding of themselves and their partner
• A shared language and tools for navigating tough topics
• A roadmap grounded in empathy and mutual understanding

SYMBIS doesn’t hand you “answers.” Instead, it builds a foundation of insight, curiosity, and compassion that will serve your marriage for years to come.

Starting SYMBIS is like having a conversation with your future. It’s curious, intentional, and full of possibility. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being prepared.

If you’re engaged (or considering marriage) and want to invest in a relationship that lasts, I’d love to walk with you through SYMBIS. I offer premarital counseling for couples at our North Austin and Georgetown locations. Together, we can help lay a path toward depth, connection, and a lifelong love.

One of the most common things I hear in the counseling room is some version of this sentence: “I just don’t feel like they hear me.”

Sometimes it’s said with frustration.
Other times, with sadness and desperation.
But the ache underneath is always the same: I want to feel understood. I want to know my experience matters to someone.

Whether we’re talking about a marriage, friendship, or family relationship, the longing to be heard is deep and universal. And yet, many of us struggle to give or receive that kind of understanding. Why is that?

First, let’s name something important: feeling heard isn’t the same as being agreed with.

Validation doesn’t mean someone sees the world exactly as you do—it means they’re willing to enter into your experience long enough to understand it.

When someone says, “I feel like you don’t hear me,” what they’re often really saying is:

• You’re not understanding the impact.
• You’re trying to fix it.
• You’re missing the emotion underneath my words.

Validation slows the moment down. It says, “I may not fully understand, but I care enough to try."

At its core, validation means acknowledging that someone’s feelings or experience makes sense—especially in light of their story.

It’s the difference between saying:

“You’re overreacting.”
“Calm down”
“If you just did this…”

and

“Given everything you’ve been carrying, I can see why that hit you so hard.”

Validation doesn’t mean we approve of every thought, behavior, or conclusion. It just means we’re willing to meet someone where they are—without minimizing, judging, or trying to fix.

When we don’t feel validated, we feel alone in our experience. We start to second-guess ourselves. We shut down. And in relationships, that creates emotional distance.

When someone truly listens—without interrupting, defending, or hijacking the conversation—something softens in us.

We stop bracing.
We stop spiraling.
We start to breathe again.

It makes us feel as if we are actually being understood and cared for. It allows us to lay down defensiveness, because we are no longer being rejected. Our opinion feels listened to and we begin to feel heard.

Most of us think we’re good listeners… until we really pay attention.

Active listening isn’t just nodding while you wait for your turn to speak. It’s a posture of curiosity, humility, and presence. Here are a few key pieces:

• Reflect what you hear. “What I hear you saying is…” helps the other person feel seen and gives them a chance to clarify if needed.
• Name the emotion. “That sounds frustrating/confusing/painful.” This helps people feel validated on a deeper level.
• Ask, don’t assume. “Can you help me understand more about what that felt like for you?”
• Watch your body language. Eye contact, an open posture, and a direct focus on the speaker all communicate safety and interest.

What doesn’t help? Interrupting, defending, problem-solving too quickly, or turning the conversation back to yourself.

The thing I see couples in conflict struggle with the most is defensiveness. It is easy to want to defend our actions or words. However, even if our words or actions had a reason (sometimes a justified one), that doesn’t negate the experience our partner is describing. There will be a time for explanation and defense later on, but first, we must make our partner feel heard, understood, and prioritized before they will be open to hearing our side.

Want to start practicing validation in your own life? Here are a few simple ways:

• Try saying: “What I hear you saying is…”  and finish the sentence based on the other person’s context—not your own.
• Follow it up with “Is that accurate? Would you add anything?”
• Ask: “Do you want my opinion, or just someone to sit with you right now?” This gives people a choice and lowers pressure on both sides.
• Work on emotion vocabulary by exploring various emotions and developing a language of emotions that goes beyond the base emotions of fear, anger, and sadness.

These small shifts can have a big impact on how safe and connected someone feels with you.

Every one of us wants to feel heard. Not just tolerated, not just “dealt with”—but understood.

Validation is one of the most powerful relational tools we have. It creates space for healing, growth, and trust. And when we offer it freely, we create the kind of connection that changes people—not because we solved their problems, but because we helped them feel a little less alone.

So the next time someone shares something vulnerable with you, try this:

Slow down.
Understand their perspective.
Communicate that understanding.
And just listen.

As a therapist specializing in trauma, grief, and anxiety, I’ve seen how wounds from the past can show up in the present—impacting our relationships and even how we see ourselves. I’ve also witnessed the incredible resilience people carry, even when they feel stuck or exhausted by pain.

Even with our best efforts—talking about it, journaling, praying, trying to move on—we can still feel stuck. It may feel like part of you is frozen in time, still reacting to past hurts as if they’re happening all over again.

If this resonates with you, I want you to know there is hope. Healing is possible, even in the places that feel stuck or overwhelming. One approach that has brought significant transformation for many is EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).

Originally developed in 1987 by Dr. Francine Shapiro, EMDR is a well-researched, evidence-based therapy that helps people recover from trauma. It has also been found effective in treating anxiety, depression, grief, and other distressing life experiences.

Our brains are naturally wired for healing. Just as our bodies know how to recover from a physical wound, our minds are built to process and resolve painful experiences. But trauma can interrupt that process. When something overwhelming or frightening happens, the brain may be unable to fully process the experience, leaving it stuck in the nervous system.

These “stuck” memories can show up as:

• Flashbacks or nightmares
• Emotional numbness or disconnection
• Difficulty trusting others
• Persistent anxiety or fear
• Shame, guilt, or a deep sense of worthlessness
  
  

Think of your brain like a file cabinet. After trauma, certain memories can become like jammed drawers—they won’t close, and you can’t fully open them either. EMDR helps “unjam” that drawer so the memory can be properly sorted and stored, no longer taking up emotional space or triggering distress in your daily life.

When we sleep, our brains use REM (rapid eye movement) cycles to sort and store memories. EMDR mimics this natural healing process while you’re awake.

During a session, I will guide you to focus on a memory while using bilateral stimulation—such as eye movements, tapping, or auditory tones. This activates both sides of your brain, helping the memory “move” and settle in a more peaceful, integrated place.

You remain fully conscious during the session and are always in control. Over time, the memory that once triggered intense emotions will no longer carry the same weight. You’ll remember it—but you won’t relive it.

EMDR can be helpful for a wide range of experiences, including:

• Childhood trauma or neglect
• Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
• Medical or accident-related trauma
• Complicated grief or loss
• Panic attacks or generalized anxiety
• Persistent negative beliefs (like “I’m not enough” or “I’m not safe”)

Whether the trauma is recent or rooted in early life, EMDR offers a compassionate, structured way to process and heal.

One of the most powerful things about EMDR is that it doesn’t require you to talk through every detail of your trauma. The process meets you where you are, at a pace that feels safe. It allows your brain and body to do the work of healing, with support and structure.

Healing through EMDR isn’t a quick fix—but for many, it’s a turning point. It’s where the “stuck” places begin to move, and where the shift begins—from shame to freedom, from fear to peace. If you would like someone to guide you through healing from trauma with EMDR and are interested in working with me or another ALCS therapist, please contact our office.

If you’re reading this, there may be a part of you that feels exhausted. A part that’s been trying so hard to keep things under control. A part that’s caught in loops of checking, doubting, analyzing, avoiding, or trying to get things “just right.”

And maybe another part of you—quiet but persistent—is wondering, "How can I get out of this…?" If so, welcome. That wondering part is wise. I want to speak to all of your parts here, but especially the ones that have been working overtime and are exhausted.

OCD is real, and it’s often loud. But it’s not you, and it’s not the whole story.

In parts-based therapy, we see OCD not as a flaw or disorder to get rid of, but as a pattern involving specific parts of you that have developed strategies—like rituals, avoidance, or mental checking—in an effort to keep you safe.

• Prevent something terrible from happening
• Protect you from guilt, shame, or rejection
• Maintain a sense of control in a world that feels chaotic

They may be rigid, critical, or anxious, but they have a history—and a reason for showing up.

In therapy, we make space to get to know these parts, not fight them. We get curious. When we understand their role in your internal system, we can begin to shift the patterns they’ve been locked into.

It’s common to have mixed feelings at the start. You might notice:

• A part that wants help—and a part that’s skeptical
• A part that’s terrified of giving up control
• A part that worries what it means to talk about “taboo” thoughts out loud
• A part that’s relieved to finally feel seen
• A part that feels shame and guilt around thoughts

In our work, we won’t rush to fix or bulldoze any part of you. We’ll move at a pace that respects the protective roles your system has taken on, while also making space for new, more restful ways of living.

The goal isn’t to make certain thoughts disappear or to banish parts of you. It’s to change your relationship with them.

When you’re no longer fused with OCD’s voice—when you can see it as a voice, not the voice— you start to get choices back. You start to live more by your values, and less by fear. You can start to challenge OCD’s voice in your story.

You don’t need to have it all figured out to begin. You don’t need to know what to say. In fact, therapy is where those messy, confusing, overlapping thoughts and parts are welcome.

You’ll be met with curiosity, not judgment. You’ll get to know yourself in a deeper way—not just as someone “with OCD,” but as someone with complexity, insight, courage, and a whole story beyond this.

The fact that you’re here—reading this—means something has already shifted.

OCD may be loud, but it’s not the only voice in the room anymore. If part of you is curious about starting therapy, that part is worth listening to. I’d be honored to meet with you—or help you connect with another therapist at Abundant Life Counseling Services—so you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. If you'd like to meet with me or another ALCS therapist, please contact our office.

For specific questions, email Hannah at hannah@abundantlifecounseling.com.

In every strong relationship, communication isn’t just about talking — it’s about connecting. It’s about feeling heard, understood, and respected. And while disagreements and miscommunication are inevitable in any partnership, the way couples handle those moments makes all the difference.

If you and your partner want to build deeper trust and connection, these five principles can be a powerful guide: validation, non-judgment, curiosity, emotional responsibility (avoiding defensiveness), and asking for feedback.

Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything your partner says. It means showing you understand their feelings are real and important — even if you don’t share the same perspective.

Example: Instead of “That’s not true, I didn’t ignore you,” try:
“I can see why you felt ignored. I was distracted, and that must have felt frustrating.”

Validation defuses defensiveness. It lets your partner feel safe, which often leads to more open and honest conversations.

Judging your partner’s reactions — especially when they’re emotional — can instantly shut down communication. Phrases like “You’re overreacting” or “You always do this” come from frustration, but they land as criticism.

Instead, approach each other with empathy, not evaluation.

Try saying:
“Help me understand what’s happening for you right now.”

This creates space for your partner to explain themselves without shame or fear. It is important during this time that your partner have the ability to speak to what is going on without judgement from you.

When we feel hurt or misunderstood, it’s easy to slip into blame or assumptions. But instead of reacting with accusations, lean into curiosity.

Ask:
“Can you tell me more about why that bothered you?”
“What were you feeling when that happened?”

Curiosity transforms conflict into connection. It says, “I care enough to understand your inner world.” Making assumptions or jumping to conclusions without trying to understand can create division between you and your partner.

Defensiveness is a natural response when we feel attacked. But it blocks growth. The goal isn’t to protect yourself — it’s to protect the relationship.

Practice owning your part in a conflict. It doesn’t mean blaming yourself; it means showing maturity.

Try:
“I see now that what I said came out harsh. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

This kind of accountability builds trust faster than any perfect argument ever could. Keep in mind, this is not stating that you had the intentions of hurting your partner, rather that you are sorry your actions or words, regardless of intention, created the effect on them.

Want to know how to grow as a partner? Ask.

Questions like:
“Is there anything that I could have done better?”
“What helps you feel most supported by me?”

Inviting feedback shows you’re invested in learning, not just in being right. And if you do this regularly, you create a culture of emotional safety where honesty is welcomed, not feared.

Great communication isn’t about always agreeing — it’s about always trying to understand.

By practicing:

• Validation over fixing,
• Non-judgment over criticism,
• Curiosity over assumption,
• Responsibility over defensiveness,
• Feedback over stubbornness,

you build a relationship where both people feel safe, seen, and supported.

You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present

Perhaps as you have read this blog post, you realize that there are growth areas in your relationship that need intentional effort to change. Healthy communication can be learned — and lasting change is possible. If you’d like support in building a stronger, more connected relationship, I’d be honored to help. To schedule a session with me or another therapist on our team, please contact our office.

Scott works with individual adults and couples, helping them navigate anxiety, depression, grief, life transitions, and relationship challenges. He is passionate about supporting couples through issues like communication struggles, conflict, infidelity, and intimacy concerns, and is currently pursuing advanced training in sex therapy. With empathy, insight, and a practical approach, Scott helps clients better understand themselves and their patterns, so they can build healthier relationships and move forward with greater clarity and connection. He considers it a privilege to walk alongside individuals and couples as they pursue healing, growth, and deeper intimacy.

For specific questions, email Scott at scott@abundantlifecounseling.com.

“The best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago. The second-best time is today.”

This is one of my favorite quotes to share with clients who are struggling with regret, shame, or guilt — feelings we all experience at some point in life. We can’t go back and rewrite the past, and the future is never guaranteed. All we truly have is this present moment. So I often ask, What regrets are weighing you down? Are you stuck in the “If only…” cycle? Instead of staying stuck, what can you do today?

Living in the Past?

Believe me, I get it. I’ve spent time stuck in my own past. I’ve felt the heavy weight of regret over my sexual history and how it shaped my view of intimacy. I’ve had moments in my marriage I wish I could take back — moments where I was controlling, cold, or distant. And as a mom of four boys, I’ve carried more than my share of “mom guilt.” Thoughts like, “I shouldn’t have been so rigid,” or “I should’ve laughed more, played more,” have echoed through my mind.

When our thoughts are filled with “shoulds,” it’s often a sign that shame has crept in. But there’s a difference between shame and guilt — and it matters.
Shame says, “I am a mistake.”
True guilt says, “I made a mistake.”

Shame attacks our identity. Guilt points to actions — things that can be acknowledged, confessed, and even redeemed.

One of my favorite scriptures speaks directly to this process:

“Confess your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” – James 5:16

Fighting Shame with Vulnerability

Brené Brown reminds us that the antidote to shame is vulnerability. When we choose to speak our regrets out loud — to a trusted friend, counselor, pastor, or mentor — the shame begins to lose its grip.

When my boys were growing up, I’d sometimes say to them, “I know I’m not a perfect mom. How have I hurt you?” It wasn’t easy to ask, but I wanted to give them space to be honest. I would rather hear their hurt than let resentment fester in silence. It was my way of planting a new tree — one rooted in humility and love.

What Can You Do Today?
If guilt, shame, or regret have been weighing you down, here are a few steps you can take to move forward:

• Accept that you can’t change the past. This can be hard, but it’s the first step to freedom.
• Distinguish between shame and guilt. Let go of false guilt and stop your “stinking thinking.”
• Do the next right thing. Start a conversation. Say, “I know I haven’t been perfect. How have I hurt you?”
• Walk through a process of confession and forgiveness. I’ll be sharing more about my Brick model in a future post to help with this.
• Create a plan for change. Pay attention to your patterns and decide how you want to respond differently moving forward.
• Find support. Reach out to someone safe. You don’t have to carry your burdens alone.
• Receive forgiveness. God’s grace is available — always.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9

You Can Find Freedom

No matter how many years have passed, you can plant a tree today. You can take a new step. You can find healing and hope. Shame and regret don’t have to define you. If you would like to meet with me or another ALCS therapist to support you in that process, please contact our office. I’m cheering you on as you take your next step toward freedom!

Take Care,
Carolyn

As a therapist, I meet with people from all walks of life - individuals trying to make sense of circumstances and inner realities they don’t fully understand. Whether it’s cycles of anxiety, recurring conflict in relationships, shame, spiritual disillusionment, or perfectionism, many of these struggles prompt the same underlying questions: Why am I like this? Why do I feel so stuck?

These are brave questions, but they often lead to confusion, frustration, and the sense that it may be impossible to ever “figure it out.” And yet, when we begin the courageous process of exploring our stories, we open ourselves to healing and deeper connection - with both ourselves and others.

Here are four reasons why exploring your story matters:

1. Our stories shape our beliefs, relationships, and actions
We are formed in the context of relationship. From the very beginning, our brains are shaped by our earliest interactions and experiences. The things we learned about love, safety, and connection - both positive and painful - still influence how we view ourselves and others today.

This is why you might find yourself reacting strongly to situations that don’t seem to match your current reality. For example, if you grew up feeling like your presence was a burden to a parent, you may now hesitate to pursue friendships, fearing you’ll come across as bothersome. This isn’t a flaw - it’s your body’s way of trying to protect you from potential harm.

When we understand our stories, we can approach these patterns with kindness and compassion instead of criticism or confusion.

2. Naming your story leads to emotional regulation and growth
When we can name what happened to us and begin to make sense of it, we strengthen the brain’s capacity for regulation. This helps us become people who respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively to the storms of life.

As we explore our experiences, we may uncover beliefs like “I’m not safe,” “I’m too sensitive,” or “I have to be perfect.” Speaking these thoughts out loud is a powerful act - because when we name them, they begin to loosen their grip. That’s when truth and clarity can begin to take their place.

3. Healing happens in safe relationships
Just as we are shaped in relationship, we also heal in relationship. Whether you're speaking with a therapist, a trusted friend, or a family member, having someone bear witness to your story with empathy and compassion is deeply transformative.

I’ve seen it again and again - the simple presence of someone who listens with care can lift some of the heaviness of a painful memory. Sharing your story in a safe space brings restoration. It reminds us we’re not alone.

4. You are still becoming
This is one of the most hopeful truths we can hold onto. Every day, we are becoming someone. And every day, we can choose who we want to become. And we can choose to participate in the process of becoming and to experience healing along the way.

Through intentional reflection and safe relationships, we can bring healing, clarity, and hope into the present moment. Your past may shape you, but it doesn’t define you. You have the power to participate in the ongoing story of your life - and to write it with meaning and purpose today.

If you are trying to make sense of your circumstances and realities and need a safe space to explore and name your story, I would be honored to meet with you. If you are interested in meeting with me or another ALCS therapist, please contact our office.

Catherine is EMDR trained and works  with adults, college students, and teenagers (13+). She specializes in grief and loss, depression, anxiety, trauma, spiritual concerns, complex family dynamics, and life transitions. She believes that we are all in the process of becoming someone, and each of us is graciously invited to take an active role in who we will become. Catherine sees it as a deep honor to be even a small part of someone else’s journey towards flourishing.

For specific questions, email Catherine at catherine@abundantlifecounseling.com .

Caring for aging parents is a journey filled with love, duty, and at times, grief. Many of us step into this role while still raising our own children, feeling stretched in all directions. The challenge is not just providing care, but also maintaining boundaries, honoring who they were, and not losing ourselves in the process. Here are some practical suggestions to keep in mind when caring for an aging parent:

Boundaries: Love Without Exhaustion
Loving your parents does not mean sacrificing yourself. Boundaries are necessary guardrails, preventing burnout. Decide what you can realistically manage—whether it’s handling medical appointments or coordinating outside help. Their frustration or unkind words may stem from age-related decline, not you. It’s okay to say no and seek support.

Self-Care: You Matter Too
Caregiving can be consuming, but your well-being is just as important. Taking breaks, staying connected with friends, and maintaining hobbies are not selfish; they sustain you. Burnout helps no one. Small moments of rest and joy replenish your strength.

Prioritize your health—physically, emotionally, and mentally. Regular exercise, proper nutrition, and adequate sleep are foundational to your ability to care for others. Meditation, journaling, or simply stepping outside for fresh air can offer moments of peace in overwhelming times. Don’t ignore your own medical needs; schedule your check-ups and tend to your wellness just as diligently as you do for your parents.

Finding Joy Amidst Responsibility
While caregiving comes with stress, it also offers opportunities for deep connection. Find joy in small, meaningful moments—listening to a favorite story, sharing a meal, or holding their hand. These moments, though fleeting, can be incredibly grounding and remind you of the love that fuels your caregiving.

Asking for Help: You’re Not Alone
Many caregivers struggle with guilt over asking for help. But support—whether from family, professionals, or community resources—ensures your parents receive the best care, while preserving your mental and emotional health. You are not failing them by seeking assistance.

If you have siblings or other family members, openly discuss responsibilities to share the load. If professional help is an option, explore resources such as in-home care, adult day programs, or respite services. Caregiver support groups can also provide comfort, validation, and practical advice from others who understand the challenges you face.

Honoring Them, Even When They Change
It’s painful to watch parents fade, whether through dementia, illness, or frailty. Honor them by recognizing who they were while accepting who they are now. Cherish moments of connection—through old stories, favorite songs, or small gestures of love. Even when they no longer remember details, your presence and care matter.

Caring for aging parents is a sacred task, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of your own well-being. By setting healthy boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and seeking support, you can walk this path with love—without losing yourself along the way. Remember, caring for yourself is not just beneficial for you—it allows you to be the best caregiver you can be for them. If you are caring for an aging parent and could benefit from professional support, I would be honored to walk with you through this journey. If you'd like to meet with me or another ALCS therapist, please contact our office.

Julie works with teens and adults struggling with grief, anxiety, depression, autism, trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), self-harm, addiction, suicidal ideation, betrayal, divorce recovery, difficulty bonding, broken relationships, and strained parent / child relationships.
 
Julie utilizes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Narrative Therapy to unearth hidden traumas and childhood wounds, and TBRI to address attachment needs and fear-based behaviors.
 
For specific questions, email Julie at julie@abundantlifecounseling.com.  

Starting the therapeutic process with your child can be a difficult decision for many parents and often brings up a range of emotions. It’s normal to wonder if therapy will truly benefit your child or how best to support them through this journey. Seeking help is a brave and important first step toward their healing and growth.

Talking to Your Child About Therapy
How you approach therapy with your child is an important part of the process. It’s essential to communicate openly, honestly, and in a way that’s age-appropriate. Here’s how to have a conversation that helps reduce any anxiety your child may have:

1. Be Honest and Reassuring

For older children or teens, you can explain that therapy is a tool many people use to manage life's challenges. It’s not about being "broken," but about learning how to cope with tough emotions and situations.

2. Normalize the Process
Reassure your child that therapy is a normal and common experience, just like seeing a doctor when you're physically unwell. Let them know it's a safe space where they won't be judged or criticized for anything they say.

3. Acknowledge Their Concerns
It’s natural for children to feel nervous or unsure about going to therapy, especially if they’ve never been before. Your child might worry about talking to a stranger, sharing personal feelings, or whether the therapist will "tell on them." Be patient and address these concerns calmly:


What to Expect During Therapy
The first session with a therapist is typically an introductory meeting where the therapist gets to know your child and understand the challenges they’re facing. Sessions may vary depending on your child’s age and the therapist’s approach.

For Younger Children: Play therapy is often used, where the therapist incorporates toys, games, and art to help your child express their emotions. These activities provide a safe space for children to process feelings that may be difficult to verbalize.

For Older Children and Teens: Older children and teens generally participate in talk therapy, which may involve discussing their feelings, setting goals, and developing coping strategies. They may also learn techniques for managing anxiety, depression, or other challenges.

Depending on your child’s age and needs, you may or may not be involved in regular sessions. However, parents or caregivers can expect to participate in initial sessions and progress check- ins. Remember, we’re all on the same team! You’ll receive collaborative support on how to best help your child at home throughout the process.

Supporting Your Child Throughout the Process
Once your child starts therapy, here’s how you can continue to support them:

1. Be Patient
Therapy can take time, and progress may not happen overnight. I often explain this process to parents as the "rollercoaster effect." You might notice some immediate progress, followed by moments when things seem to get worse. While this can be discouraging, it’s a normal part of the healing process. As your child continues to grow, you will see more lasting change.

2. Encourage Open Communication
Check in with your child regularly about how therapy is going. If they feel comfortable, let them share what they’re learning and experiencing, but don’t pressure them to talk about anything they’re not ready to share.

3. Reinforce What They Learn
If your child is learning new coping strategies or tools in therapy, reinforce these at home. For example, if they’re learning how to manage stress through deep breathing, practice it together. Showing interest and involvement in what they’re learning helps solidify those lessons in their everyday life.

4. Be Supportive
It can take time for your child to feel comfortable and trust the therapist. Offer emotional support by validating their feelings and letting them know you’re proud of them for taking the step to get help.


Sending your child to therapy for the first time can feel scary, but it’s one of the best ways to support your child’s emotional growth, resilience, and well-being. By choosing the right therapist, communicating openly, and offering your ongoing support, you are setting your child up for success. Therapy is a powerful tool for healing, growth, and learning to navigate life’s challenges with confidence. If you believe your child or teenager could benefit from therapy with me or another ALCS counselor, please contact us!  

Sexual intimacy after breast cancer can be hard. I guess that sounds obvious as I write it, but in reality people experience sex differently based on a number of factors. There are some common challenges like nerve damage, hormonal changes, numbness, body image issues, etc., but honestly, one of the biggest factors is what your relationship was like before cancer. How well did you do with communication? Sharing your feelings? Being vulnerable? How has your sexual relationship been? Was it satisfying? What made it that way or what seemed to be missing? You see, it's kind of like a sponge…you don't know what is in it until you squeeze it. Cancer squeezes couples, and it reveals what was really true in the relationship. What was hidden is now seen.
 
If you read an earlier post in this series, you heard that Rachel and I entered therapy early in our marriage. That work was so helpful, but it wasn't the permanent solution. We had to continue to talk about our relationship, and especially our sexual relationship. We went through different stages of life including four children, starting a business, financial struggles, and many more stressors that impacted us. It was our willingness to keep talking, keep sharing our thoughts and feelings, and…though maybe obvious, keep having sex, that has helped us to navigate this side of breast cancer.
 
If you are reading this and thinking that your sexual experience wasn't great before cancer and you are discouraged and fearful, I want you to know there is still much hope. Cancer has a way of pushing us to face things that we don't want to face, and to actually talk about them and feel the emotions we tend to push away. I imagine you have already experienced this with all the information you have received and the decisions you have had to make because of your diagnosis. It is the same with sex. It is a chance to keep pushing into the vulnerable places and take the risk to start talking about sex, but be gentle. It is a delicate season.
 
Some of you may be problem-solvers and fixers, so you are thinking, “what do we need to solve?” Let me first encourage you to think about how you are both doing. How are your hearts? Check in with each other. Are you ready to be sexual? What is important to you as you start? What are your concerns? If you are ready, talk about what you are ready for sexually. How would you like to start being sexual? What feels safe for you? Without addressing these types of questions, you can easily create pressure that you didn't mean to create, and set yourself and your spouse up for a more difficult path back to sexual intimacy with a lack of emotional connection.
 
Many individuals struggle with the misconception that being sexual or engaging in sex is limited solely to penetration. Let's change that. I want to encourage you to think of sex on a spectrum where penetration is only one aspect of being sexual. After many years of talking with couples about their sexual relationships and the various struggles they are facing, I can assure you that people are sexual in a lot of different ways. Intercourse sometimes isn't even possible for different reasons and unfortunately, that is the place that some people stop being sexual. They start to believe there is no reason to engage sexually at all if they can't have penetration. But there really are so many ways to enjoy sexual feelings and sexual connection.
 
Go with me back to when you were dating. Do you remember how exciting a kiss was back then? Do you remember when you danced and the closeness of your bodies sparked those tingly, sexual feelings? Are you going to tell me that didn't feel sexual? Some of us have lost these and other aspects of being sexual and have over-simplified sex to a brief experience of intercourse that lacks emotional connection and sometimes even lacks much pleasure. Sex can become more of a functional item on a to-do list instead of an opportunity to connect and soak in kisses and caresses. It can become more like "drive-through" sex instead of a "sit-down" meal at a table. Or, maybe you have never cultivated much sexual intimacy in your marriage. I get it. That is where Rachel and I were early on. We just had struggles we couldn't navigate. If that is you, let's change that. I think sexual intimacy following breast cancer is a great platform to grow sexually together and I want to introduce six key ingredients that can help. And, if you need some professional help, I want to encourage you to reach out for help. It truly was one of the great investments we made into our marriage.

Being known is something lovers must do if they are going to have a rich connection emotionally and sexually. Each person must be willing to honestly and vulnerably share about their sexual experience as well as listen to one another without reacting defensively. It requires a careful pursuit of the heart, while tolerating some of your own difficult emotions like frustration or rejection. If your spouse shares a sexual preference and you feel a sense of inadequacy or failure, take a breath and reflect back what you think she meant and not your interpretation such as, "You're saying I'm a bad lover." Instead, paraphrase with something  like, "You prefer a firmer touch because when I touch you lightly, it tickles." Our defensiveness often disrupts our attempts at connection.
 
Ladies, it will be important that you share with your husband how cancer and treatment has impacted you physically. There may be areas that you are not ready to have touched or maybe be seen yet and that is ok. You need to start where you are comfortable starting. If you need to, wear something you are comfortable being in so you can focus on the good feelings and not be worried about how you look. Following Rachel's mastectomy, she had to coach me on ways she was ready for her reconstructed breast to be touched. This offered us both freedom as we incorporated this new part of her body. Another common impact from cancer is having less sexual desire. This occurs due to different factors, but one can be the way necessary treatments impact hormone production. You may need to move toward being sexual without sexual desire, because if you wait for sexual desire, you probably won’t have sex. There are reasons to be sexual besides sexual desire, so instead, notice when there is an openness for a sexual experience to meet other goals of being together such as closeness, skin to skin contact, and some sexual caresses that remind you that cancer did not take your sexuality. This takes the pressure off of you needing to feel a certain way and instead, to simply enter into the experience allowing it to be what it is…no expectations. There are many ways for you to be known by your husband, and it will require you to take risks. Cultivating safety will help you to take those risks.

Feeling safe while being sexual gives us an opportunity to freely engage our whole selves in what is happening. Anxiety is one of the foundational barriers to the sexual process. God made our bodies and our brains to work together when it comes to sex. If we are feeling anxious, it can disrupt the arousal process and limit our sexual experience including reaching an orgasm. Given this fact, you can see how important it is to talk together and discuss concerns, worries, insecurities and the ways you are ready to be sexual and ways that you are not. Rachel had to help me understand this with her new breast. Some of the ways we had been sexual in the past were less physically comfortable for her, so we needed to adjust. These conversations are so important so our wives are not distracted by a worry that has not been voiced. Guys, we need to encourage our wives to help us know how to work with them so they are relaxed and focused on the good feelings…that is the place that arousal can start to build.

Perhaps one of the easiest ways to increase overall satisfaction in sex is to be present with an awareness of what your senses are telling you. Your body was created to be sexual. There are some erogenous areas that are going to have the nerve endings really firing and heating things up, but our whole body can be sexual. Sometimes cancer limits some of the ways that you used to experience sexual pleasure, but that is ok. Use what you have! Give attention to all your senses…touch, taste, smell, sound, and sight. Again, this is where safety has to be in place so that you are free to be present in the moment instead of checking out and waiting for sex to be over. From the safety of the love you share, be vulnerable and allow your senses to bring pleasure. Enjoy what is present…soak in the good feelings and go after them! Tell him, "that feels really good" with words or with your breathing or your movements. Be known. Don't worry about orgasms, just enjoy the pleasure that is present. If an orgasm happens, that's great, but focus on the pleasure and let its current move you. Sometimes it is our striving that actually pushes orgasms away. Rediscover past sexual feelings as well as new discoveries, and claim that sex and sexuality is something that has great value.

In some ways, this section could have been included with the one on safety, but I wanted it to have its own space. It is so important. This is a time for reassurance. It is a time where parts of breasts, the whole breast, or both breasts have changed. Where once was a nipple now there is a tattoo. They don't feel the same or look the same. It is a time for acceptance and reassurance. Something I wrote in one of Rachel's cards that meant so much to her was the following:
 
"Curves and curves and more curves. I love to admire and caress and kiss and hold. And that includes this new breast that will always be lacking to what was there before, but it stands as a reminder that your life is the most valuable thing we have. We invite it and welcome it into our story of love and offer it acceptance as we have so many things in our story. It will not define your beauty or limit your beauty, but it is part of your beauty."
 
That feels so personal to share, but I want to emphasize the importance of sharing words of acceptance and reassurance. Guys, our words won't be the same, but your words, your admiration, your gentleness, and especially your patience will be a healing salve on your wife's sexuality. Give her space to heal sexually and gather the richness this season offers you.

One of the barriers many women face is that somewhere they got the idea that sex was something that was to happen to them instead of something they would be equally involved in. Don't be passive, ladies. Enter into sex in a way that reflects the whole of who you are…adaptive, creative, fun, sensual, physical, assertive, etc. If some of these don't seem to fit you, maybe these are areas of growth. If they don't fit, reflect on who you are and how those parts can offer life to your sexual experience. Sexuality is not something cancer gets to take! Be active…give and receive pleasure. Learn how to work with the changes that have occurred, instead of focusing on what has been lost. Don't let cancer take more than it has to take. You may need more lubrication than you did previously, so find some great lube. You may not have as much energy as before, so find out when you have the most energy and try to have sex then. You may not look the way you want to in the tops and bras and lingerie you used to wear, so buy more that flatter your body the way it is now. The point is to be empowered sexually and let your pursuit of your sexuality and its expression in sex be part of this healing journey.

What do you think I mean when I say to be curious? Think about the word and how you experience it. When we are curious, we don't rush to conclusions or meanings. We lean in. We approach. We experiment. We question. We focus. Consider how being curious will be important as you start being sexual again. Curiosity removes pressure and invites activity without quick judgments. It seems to create a needed space for couples to invite the inevitable changes. Changes are not the enemies. They just reflect the loss of what used to be, but it's ok. We can work with them once we have been able to accept them. Otherwise, they will become our focus and rob us of joy.
 
Over this past year, Rachel and I have talked about how cancer seems to usher in some of the challenges that aging does. Some include hormone deficiencies, lower sex drive, body changes, less intense arousal, and less reliable orgasms. We are now in our mid to late 50s, so we were already facing some of these changes, but with cancer, some came much sooner than we thought they would. Much like aging, we had to accept these if we wanted to continue to be sexual. I think both aging and the impact of cancer offers us a more fulfilling experience because it requires more relational involvement. Often when we are younger, our bodies work so well, it is easy to rush past aspects of sex that give us a rich experience. Now, we are pushed to be more vulnerably intimate and more sacrificially giving with each other.
 
 
I know these six ingredients are not the full answer and may not fit your individual situation, but they are a good starting point for reflection and conversations between you and your spouse. In our sexually saturated society, it is easy to form false ideas about sex that become beliefs. Then, we can naturally gather evidence to support these beliefs, making them feel like truths to live by. Truths about yourself as well as your spouse…but they are actually lies. And, when they are not discussed, they become hardened and work against sexual intimacy. They become barriers and walls of protection. Without being intentional, cancer can easily fortify these, but I hope to encourage you that it does not have to be this way. Take these ingredients and discuss them with your spouse. Which ones are strengths? Which ones are growth areas? We all have some of both. Regardless of where you start, decide this area of your marriage is worth the effort. Pray together about your sexual relationship and agree to take steps toward today's healing just as you have each day of your journey with cancer.

Kerry is the founder and director of Abundant Life Counseling Services. He works with individuals on a wide range of issues, but specializes in marriage counseling, sex therapy, counseling for sexual addiction, affair recovery counseling, and counseling for same-sex attraction and gender dysphoria. Kerry counsels clients from our North Austin location. For more information about Kerry's practice, or to schedule an appointment with Kerry, call us today!

When it comes to loving your wife, I think most men would agree that it is somewhat of a mystery, with both successes and failures. You get encouraged and then discouraged, as what seems to make sense and work one day might not work the next day. This unpredictable cycle can lead to a lot of frustration and the urge to say, "I quit." But I think this is part of God's plan in marriage…to bring us to a place where we realize we will need help. And you will need help in loving your wife through cancer.
 
One of the greatest helps to me in loving Rachel through cancer was a hard lesson I learned from a difficult season much earlier in our marriage. Many years ago, Rachel and I had both wounded one another very deeply. My response to the pain I experienced from Rachel was distance and angry silence that lasted for months. This angry silence compounded the hurt she had experienced from me, heaping anxiety and rejection on top of pain. Her response to my angry silence was to retreat and withdraw to protect her heart, and as the weeks stretched on, her heart was buried further and further, to the point that she became numb. She would later describe her heart as cold and distant toward me. This culmination of hurts for both of us formed walls that were just stubborn and would not fall, and sometimes seemed to not even crack. Even once we began to move toward each other and there had been confession and forgiveness expressed, the painful emotions would not lift. We were both trying in different ways, and while we ultimately did see the cracks start to grow and the walls crumble, it was a prolonged season where we both felt degrees of hopelessness and helplessness. A time rich with opportunity to find strength outside of ourselves. And for me, a principle started to form that I would need in order to love Rachel well through cancer.
 
Though not a totally new thought or idea, the principle that gained clarity during that difficult season of emotional pain was that I was never meant to love Rachel alone. It was always supposed to be a Divine partnership. It took me back to when Jesus was confronted by an expert in the Law (Matthew 22:36-40) in order to trap him. The man asked, "What is the greatest commandment?" Jesus gave two. “Love God with your whole self (heart, mind, soul, and strength),” and “love your neighbor as yourself.” What started to take shape in my mind was that my rest in pursuing Rachel’s cold, distant heart was to go vertical first and then horizontal. I learned to start my days asking God, "How are we going to love her today? What will it look like? Where are my opportunities?” My peace at the end of the day was not to be based on movement in Rachel (which could lead to controlling efforts), but instead, how did I follow God's lead and believe He was working even if I couldn't see it.
 
Honestly, it is hard to love in the midst of your own pain, and if you are successful, you will have to ask new questions. My focus had to shift. How was my heart doing? Was I harboring resentment? Was I humble? Was I open to seeing my selfishness? Could I listen beyond her saying something that to me was wrong? My instinct was to correct her immediately with a defensive posture. Cut her off and shut her down. I had to learn to choose wisdom over angry reactions. To hold my intense emotions with a determination to speak with self-control and gentleness, instead of what I wanted to say and the way my anger wanted to say it. Again, it was hard. I got it wrong for sure, but there was a turn in my heart.
 
I still had to share the things that were important for me to communicate. This wasn't a posture of just pleasing her, and I wasn't to be a welcome mat. It was different. It was a willingness to enter into the messy parts of our relationship with hard emotions, but not let them rule. To allow awareness of them brought opportunities to love with them. For example, if I'm feeling angry, how does it look and sound to love well when I'm angry? Or frustrated? Or insecure? Or lonely? And especially when I feel rejected? In other words, the answer was not to stomp out the unwanted inevitable emotions, but to learn to lean in and love well with them.
 
All of these new questions reinforced that this Divine partnership with my Father was my hope. Where was He leading? He was up to something in me, regardless of what was happening in Rachel. He was stretching me and growing me. Becoming more like Christ took on a life beyond right behavior. I sought an inside-out change. Love in this partnership left me more as a conduit, a vessel where God's love could flow into me and out of me, changing me with the hope of her heart melting. More questions. Was I vulnerable with her? Was I speaking truth in love? Was I open to her, or was I closed and withdrawn? Was I willing to serve her? I came to see that faith expressed in love was not dependent on her and what I wanted from her. Instead, it was more about me and my relationship with God. What I couldn't control, I had to release every day.
 
Can you see how this was His training ground for me? You see, no one else had my unique position as her husband. I was it. And as I embraced this high call to love my wife when her heart was cold, I learned to trust God beyond my understanding and what seemed right or fair. I would need this truth, "go vertical to best go horizontal,” when it comes to loving well in difficult situations.
 
Cancer. It does not discriminate. It shows up and makes no sense. It was unexpected and shocking. In the midst of my own overwhelming emotions and confusion, I did know one thing. Loving Rachel in this season was the most important thing, and I felt it…that deep desire to wrap her with it. To cover her with it. To speak it. To write it down. I wanted to be with her in a way that brought her life while this disease wanted to take life. I was determined. I had experienced that deep peace in a season where I wanted to fix the situation, but couldn't. I had sharpened my ability to notice, to listen, to pray for Rachel in ways when I was facing my own weariness. I knew that place of desperately needing God to do something, but having to wait and instead take hope in what He was doing today. This had carried me before, and I knew I would need it to carry me again. This was going to be hard.
 
Loving well is not easily measured. It does not look the same for everyone…you might say it has to be customized. We all have ideas about love and have experienced it having a positive impact on people we deeply care about, but most us of have also learned that love isn't simply repeating something that worked in the past. It requires more of us. We have to invest more of ourselves to love well. Loving well today might be different than yesterday, and it might not even be the way you prefer to express love. There is a cost that goes with loving well, but the intimacy it produces is worth it.
 
As I share some of the ways that I loved my bride, I realize I don't know your bride and her story, or how cancer has specifically impacted her. When it comes to loving your wife, it has to start with knowing her. This may be a season where your intimate knowledge of her grows as you embrace that same determination I had. You might give more attention to her than you have before. Or be more alert to her and more focused on what you think is going on with her. You might ask more questions. And be more willing to enter hard conversations and tolerate your own difficult emotions so you can really listen and respond. Others of you may have already pursued this deep knowing of your bride, so you have a firm foundation to prepare for a deeper connection and walk together. Wherever you are entering this chapter of cancer, know that this disease, with its shadows of death, still offers many opportunities for life and love to pursue. We are imperfect, and you will get it wrong at times, but your efforts do matter. You are of great value to your bride, and she needs you.

I think the place we have to start is being present. She will need your presence physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If you can, go to every appointment she has until she tells you she is ok to go alone. Practically, this allows you both to listen and ask questions, since this is all new and there is much information to absorb. Be close to her. Affection bonds us to one another, and what a great time for snuggles on the couch with reassuring touches and embraces. In my final blog, I will talk more about sexual closeness and cancer, but for us, sexual intimacy during the days leading up to Rachel’s surgery was important. We wanted that closeness, and the last time we had sex before her first surgery was extra special. Certainly, all of the above include being present emotionally, but be intentional to check in with her. Ask her how she is feeling. Share your emotions with her. Together, talk about fears and concerns. Allowing her to know your heart as you pursue hers will help her to feel close to you. And finally, connect spiritually. Come together in ways that you are already comfortable and build on those. Have spiritual conversations. Pray together. Share scriptures that are encouraging. Even if you have different beliefs around faith, look for ways to connect. Experience the aspects of faith that you share and use these to reassure one another that you are trusting God.

Expressing love is so personal, both for the one giving and receiving. What have you learned about your spouse over the time you have known her? Start there and look for ways to tell her you love her. For example, Rachel loves cards. Early in our marriage, it would stress me out to write in a card because I felt so exposed and insecure putting words down. I am so glad this was an area of growth for me, taking the risk anyway and putting my heart out there in black and white. Shortly after her diagnosis, I bought sixty dollars' worth of cards. I took an hour gathering cards that would speak to what I anticipated she might face. Many I have now used, and some I still have for another day in this journey. Another way Rachel has felt loved is with flowers, and I wanted her to have beauty around her, so I tried to have flowers that she loved. It was important that cancer, something ugly, was not the focus. I wanted her to know she is beautiful, and this destructive disease does not get to determine her beauty. The flowers were a reflection of her beauty, not vice versa.

Guys, this is a season of service. It is a time to serve when you are mentally and emotionally prepared, as well as when you are weary and discouraged. In ways similar to infants, one of the most important expressions of your love in this season will be service. Your wife will have limitations, and your consistent willingness to step in and do the things needed with a good attitude will bring her life. You will get tired, but how you love when you are tired matters. There were many daily needs that Rachel had. For the first two weeks, serving Rachel meant managing her meals and prescription schedule, taking her to doctor visits, and supporting her during short walks around our back yard as she was able. It also meant helping her with her shower. For six weeks, she had to be showered, and I had to strip her drain twice a day. I logged the drainage and kept everything sterile to avoid any infections. Because of the drain, she couldn't dress or undress herself, so I helped each time. Some of her needs did change with her recovery and she did gradually regain her independence, but there remained many opportunities for me to say "I love you" with service.

One of cancer's assaults on women is their beauty. It strikes at both their physical attractiveness as well as their hearts, creating doubt and insecurity. This is an opportunity for you to speak to who your wife is as a person, as well as the reassurance of her beauty. Cancer does not get to take her beauty…champion that truth. Reflect over her identity and her character that you have seen during your life with her. Look into her eyes and tell her about her heart and how it has impacted you, or write it in a letter or card. She needs to know that who she is matters and is preserved, even if it might have some new expressions due to limitations from this disease. And put words to your admiration of her beauty. During her recovery, Rachel had to wear a surgical bra 24/7, and she mostly wore a big floppy flannel shirt because of its comfort and warmth, and needing something that buttoned down the front. It was not her most flattering outfit. But I still took the chance to see her, to flirt with her in the shower, and to talk about her curves and tell her how I looked forward to having sex again. She was desirable inside and out, and I wanted her to know it.

Perhaps one of the most important suggestions in this list is laughter. Laughter is the best medicine! I don't know the origin of that saying, but anyone who has gone through cancer knows it is true…or really anything related to suffering. Laughter lifts the spirit and reminds people of joy. Have you seen the movie, “The Bucket List?” It is a story of two terminally ill men with cancer who decide to create a bucket list of things to do before they die, and set out to mark each one off their list. One of the funniest moments is when Carter, played by Morgan Freeman, gets to mark off, "Laugh until I cry.” You need to see this movie. We didn't watch this movie during Rachel’s recovery, but we did watch many movies. Not the ones I would prefer, for sure. Instead, we watched so many rom-coms, or as I came to call them, “sh*t-coms,” that I lost count! It didn't matter. She needed something to make her laugh, and I wanted to be there with her.
 
Thankfully, Rachel would say that I loved her really well during her journey with cancer, and these were some of the ways I loved her. But loving your wife well is not a list someone gives you. Instead, it is one that you discover. It is ok not to know the right things to do or say, just know that you are the only husband she has, and your efforts matter. Your voice and actions have the power to bring her life in this valley that feels like death. Partner with God during this season…you will need His help. As husbands, we have this unique, powerful opportunity to love our wives when they need it most, and I hope you will do it well.

Kerry is the founder and director of Abundant Life Counseling Services. He works with individuals on a wide range of issues, but specializes in marriage counseling, sex therapy, counseling for sexual addiction, affair recovery counseling, and counseling for same-sex attraction and gender dysphoria. Kerry counsels clients from our North Austin location. For more information about Kerry's practice, or to schedule an appointment with Kerry, call us today!

Suffering will come to us all, it’s just a matter of time. I certainly have not cornered the market on suffering. In fact, while writing this blog, I’ve struggled with a sense of unworthiness. Who am I to speak about this disease when my journey has been so much easier than others’? I can only hope that somehow as I share my story, the Great Comforter can comfort those whose journey I have not walked and whose suffering I do not comprehend.

I had the privilege of birthing our four children naturally, and you can learn a lot about suffering from childbirth. And about the Kingdom, for that matter. Scripture speaks of it often. Anticipating a birth without pain meds, I educated myself as much as possible, and one of the things that was particularly helpful was to read about what was going to happen within my body and the purpose of the pain. That big ole bag of muscles inside my womb would be contracting with increasing intensity and pain. However, that pain would be a signal that those muscles were doing their work, pushing that little one out of me. And believe me, by the end of nine months, I was ready to have that little one out of me!

Knowing what to expect and understanding that there was a purpose in the pain helped me not to be afraid when the pain began. It also helped me respond more effectively to the pain. During childbirth, our muscles work more effectively if we don’t tense up. Tensing up and bracing ourselves for what is happening or about to happen is a natural pain response. Yet that tension actually works against what our muscles are trying to accomplish. In the end, it makes their work less efficient, lengthening the intensity and duration of the labor process. It is much more helpful to channel the energy we feel in response to the pain in a different direction. For my first childbirth, that meant channeling my energy into holding onto Kerry‘s arm and squeezing the heck out of it every time the contractions came while I tried to relax the rest of my body. (Sidenote: by subsequent childbirths, I had squeezy balls instead – an improvement for which Kerry was immensely grateful!)

During times of suffering, our immediate response may be to tense up, to become angry at God, deciding He can’t be trusted and trying to protect ourselves, expending our energy trying to sort things out on our own. I propose that that response only serves to make the suffering more intense. If we can come to the place of yielding to the pain the Lord has allowed and invite Him to do the work in, through, and for us, the process will be easier. Of course, turning to Him and yielding rather than trying to protect ourselves requires a great deal of trust. Trust in the One who is allowing this pain into our lives. That can be very difficult. Thankfully, as I entered this breast cancer journey, I entered with many years of suffering behind me. I had had plenty of opportunities to build trust. Each battle had been preparation for the next, and I was grateful to enter this journey with other times of suffering to learn from, and with much trust developed over time.

When the reality of my situation became clear, however, I knew that, even with such a firm foundation, this battle was too big for me to fight alone. I sprang into action and reached out to faithful prayer warriors, people I knew had a strong connection with the Lord that cared about me and would commit to praying for me. Like Aaron and Hur who held up Moses’ hands during battle (Exodus 17:10-13), I knew the prayers of my prayer warriors would help me win this battle. That was certainly the case. The Divine response to prayers offered on my behalf was swift and palpable. Almost immediately, a dear friend and prophetic intercessor emailed me a powerful message from the Lord. That message gave me vision and courage and hope for what lay before me, in spite of the unknowns, and I printed it off and reviewed it frequently. She also drove three hours to come lay hands on me and pray for my healing. Her visit was a beautiful time together that left me invigorated, peaceful, and hopeful in spite of the unknowns.

Within days, a dear friend of Kerry’s (now my friend too!), a two time breast cancer survivor / thriver herself, asked if she could take us out to dinner. Having walked the road (twice!), she knew precisely how to care well for us. Her sensitive, gentle, and optimistic spirit, along with her experience and wisdom, was exactly what we needed. She urged me to reach out to the folks at the Breast Cancer Resource Center (a free resource for any breast cancer warrior), and gave practical suggestions about how to proceed in the days and weeks ahead. Providentially, she also inquired about the details of my diagnosis and my experience so far with my medical team. It became evident during our conversation that a transition in care to her team of doctors would be best, and she graciously offered to reach out to them on my behalf to clear the way for my phone calls. By noon the next day, I had a new medical team. I was so grateful for God’s timing and orchestration of events, and for the highly skilled physicians He provided to care for me.

Those early days were the hardest, because there were still so many unknowns. Was it genetic? (In which case a mastectomy of both breasts might be the recommended course). Had it spread elsewhere in my body? How many lymph nodes would be taken? Would I have to do chemo and radiation?  There were many other questions as well. And of course, that question every girl has that wants to be beautiful to her man, “What will I look like? Will he still be attracted to me?”

The strength offered to me through the prayers and care of others carried me through that season. When I shared the news with my precious congregation during our prayer time, they tenderly gathered around, laid hands on me, prayed over me, and then planned a day of prayer and fasting on my behalf to entreat the Lord for my healing. The many sweet texts, emails, flowers, and cards sent by my warriors were bright spots that made the days easier. It seemed that the timing of some of them were divinely orchestrated. The Lord seemed to put just the person in place that was best suited to minister to the need of the moment. And on days when it was more than I could bear, I would pray, “Lord, I’m really struggling. Can you prompt someone to pray for me right now, please?” Invariably, I’d get a text from one of my faithful warriors letting me know they were praying for me. My hands were being held up. The battle was being won.

Of course, chief among those that ministered to me and made life bearable during those early days was my husband. Can I just take a second to tell you about my precious hubby? Lemme tell ya, he was an absolute champ! Oh! How I do hope you’ll return next week to read his blog for husbands and learn from his wisdom! He seemed to know just what I needed. How to reassure me without blowing smoke. When I was particularly struggling and a sweet card might help. When there weren’t words, but the beauty of flowers could lift my spirits. And so much more during recovery! I couldn’t have asked for a sweeter provision.

As the results of more tests began to come in, we were encouraged. Prayers were being answered. The battle was being won on multiple fronts, not just in my heart, but also in my body. I could keep my left breast. There would be no chemo and no radiation, just the surgery and a pill for the next ten years. I felt as if I’d dodged a bullet! Relieved and grateful in spite of the loss we knew was coming, we prepared for the surgery.

My Breast Cancer Resource Center (BCRC) navigator and my nurse navigator from my surgeon’s office were immensely helpful in this regard. They helped me know what to expect during the upcoming journey, and how to prepare. As a medical professional, my nurse navigator could anticipate both my emotional and medical concerns, and as a cancer thriver who had helped many other women through this process, my BCRC navigator knew the practical side of what I was going through. She could offer an understanding ear and suggest resources available to me, things I might consider purchasing, and practical solutions to challenges I might anticipate. It calmed my fears to know what to expect, and as I approached my surgery, I felt more confident.

I distinctly remember sitting in my back yard during evenings leading to my surgery, listening to the bugs and feeling the breeze from the fan on my face as I sorted through the dozens of papers with prescription schedules and instructions for pre-op, the day of surgery, and the recovery process. As I tried to pull together everything I’d been instructed to do and create some sort of plan, I felt the Lord’s soothing, reassuring presence that hung in the air like the thick Texas heat. He was tabernacling with me. He had sheltered and guided Israel in her wilderness journey. He would do the same for me. We would do this together, He and I. I only needed to do my little part - to do what I’d been told to do, to place my hand in His, and then take the next step with Him.

In the days leading up to my surgery, I replayed my theme songs over and over to settle my spirit. This one and this one I’ve sung countless times through trials (I say "sing" loosely … mostly I just blubber my way through them crying like a baby), and this one was particularly calming to me during cancer as I prepared for surgery. The night before my surgery, we changed the sheets, set out my scheduled assortment of pills for the next day, and then Kerry helped me do my pre-surgical scrub. Finally, we laid hands on my breast, prayed, and said goodbye. Through the tears, I thanked the Lord for the life that breast had brought. It had brought life as it suckled my babies. It had brought life as it aroused pleasure in our marriage bed. And it had brought life as it signaled early in the course of this disease that something was attacking my body and my life was in danger. Had its bleeding not led to early detection, my story might have played out very differently. I so longed to keep it, but it had to give up its life in order for me to keep mine. Last minute texts from the warriors holding up my hands came in, and I felt covered.

We fell asleep and woke early in the morning. We repeated my scrub and set off for the hospital. It was time to do this. It was very scary to walk into the unknown, but as we listened to my theme songs en route and I sang along, I was calmed and reminded that the Lord had me, and He would carry me through this. We arrived at the hospital while it was still dark, and my skilled surgeons met me early. Their kind presence and last minute preparations and rehearsal of what to expect were comforting. There was nothing for me to do at this point except rest in the expert care that was being provided.

Though the surgery took longer than expected (a fact that unnerved my waiting husband), my surgeons were pleased with their work. There had been a 1mm margin between the cancerous tissue and my chest wall, but that was sufficient. I only lost one lymph node. And to my delight, the Lord had miraculously answered my prayers for sensation. Though the erotic part was gone, I began to feel my nerves firing and I could still feel heat, cold, and pressure, so my breast still felt like a part of my body. This was such a sweet God-kiss! The hardest part was over.

The days that followed were a time warp - both long and short, both life-giving and weary-ing. I had a drain that Kerry had to help me with. Each morning and evening, he stripped the drain and emptied the fluid, carefully measuring and recording the amount so my surgeons could determine when it could be safely removed. Most women have their drains a week or two. I had mine for six. That was hard, because there are unpleasant realities that go along with having a drain. Elevated and restrictive sleeping, care to avoid accidental tugging, and the overall “ick” factor for starters. There was also a high risk of infection, so the drain site had to be kept dry, which meant that Kerry had to help me with my showers as I held something over the drain site to protect it. I was weak and badly bruised, but his hands were gentle. I was so grateful for his strength when I had none. And though not a fun intimacy, shower times were intimate nonetheless.

There’s something so powerful about being in a helpless, vulnerable state, completely dependent, and having a gentle hand care for you. And he knew just how to do that. I remember one time in particular after my shower in the evening when I glanced inadvertently at the mirror and noticed my disfigured body in the reflection. Choking back the tears, I whimpered, “I don’t want to take a shower tomorrow.” “Well then don’t!” he quipped. “Let’s just watch funny movies all day!” And so we did. And it was exactly what I needed. Whether watching “sh*tcoms” with me (his label for romcoms because the sole value he sees in them is that they make me smile), taking me for scenic drives, sitting with me during office visits, calming me down and re-centering me when I started to fret over the slow pace of my healing, or just making me laugh, he was God’s gift to sustain me, and in the midst of suffering, a beautiful thing began to happen. We had more time together than we were used to, which paved the way for difficult conversations that tore down barriers that had been built between us. And as I sat next to him on the couch watching our nightly “sh*tcom,” or rode beside him on scenic drives, or felt his committed attention to my needs and tender care for my body, the gratitude and affection I felt for him brimmed to overflowing! I so enjoyed and looked forward to our time together and found myself more deeply in love with him than ever before! There was so much shared experience and so much more of an “us!” New life was being birthed into our relationship.

As the weeks stretched on, there continued to be a substantial amount of fluid, which was discouraging for both of us. Thankfully, we generally didn’t have bad days at once. When I was sad and weary of being so helpless with no end in sight, Kerry was in better spirits. And vice-versa. It was an opportunity for us to demonstrate to the Lord that we trusted Him and His perfect timing. Would we wait patiently on Him? And would we worship in the wait? During my daily walks around my neighborhood, I would listen to my Spotify playlist and sing along to those songs of peace and surrender, and the tears would fall. Surrendering when there is great cost is such a sweet aroma before the Lord, and as I sang those songs and cried through them, His sweet, healing presence enveloped me. For me, there is nothing like a good cry with the Lord!

During those weary days, the comfort I received from friends and family were bright spots that made the waiting easier. I continued to receive texts from my faithful warriors checking in on me and reminding me of their prayer support. I was also humbled as friends and family poured out cards, gifts, gift cards, food, flowers, and care packages upon me. I didn’t know I was so loved! I was overwhelmed by the care I received, and through each of these kind gestures, God was nurturing and healing my heart through others. 

He was also nurturing and healing my heart directly. Although my days seemed quite full as they revolved around office visits, meal times, medicine dosages, and rehabilitating my body with daily walks and gentle stretching, the lack of daily responsibilities afforded me the opportunity to do the things I loved! For me, that meant Bible study and prayer. A rare treat, I had extended time to dive deeply into the Word, reveling in the feast before me as I savored each rich morsel! As I slowly chewed on the scriptures and noticed the flavors of the original languages and the connections between prophetic passages and Revelation, my spirit soared! Outside, my body appeared to be wasting away, but inside, I was being renewed day by day! (1 Corinthians 4:16)

I was also able to find great purpose for my life during my recovery, even with my limitations, through intercessory prayer. I had my surgery a week and a half after the Oct. 7 invasion of Israel by Hamas, so my recovery developed alongside Israel’s ground invasion of Gaza. As a devoted intercessor and lover of Israel, I felt privileged to be able to have extended times of unhurried prayer to do spiritual battle alongside the Lord on behalf of His beloved. With my handy Christian news app, I was able to tap in to the Israeli news feeds to stay informed about what was going on in Israel, and though heavy and sad at times, there were also great joys. There were amazing victories and answers to prayer where I saw the hand of God, and beautiful stories of miracles on the battlefield and ways He was moving and intervening in the hearts and lives of young soldiers. In some bizarre way, the violence that had invaded my body felt like a metaphor for the violence done to Israel, and her fight for survival evolved alongside my body’s fight to recover. Being able to participate with the Lord in this way broadened my perspective, so that I wasn’t so focused on myself. Yes, my suffering mattered to the Lord, very much in fact. He had demonstrated that in multiple ways. But I was not the center of the universe. He had bigger Kingdom events coming together, and I was allowed to participate with Him as He unwrapped prophetic fulfillment and prepared to birth His Kingdom. This was exciting and invigorating for me! As times of Bible study and prayer nourished and strengthened me during those days, I enjoyed them so much that I sometimes felt a little guilty for having so much fun while I was “sick!”

That glorious day came when I could finally get my drain removed, and I felt like a new woman! I looked forward to my reconstructive surgery and the final stages of recovery, but what I didn’t know at the time is that cosmetically, my healing had taken an unhappy detour. I had developed capsular contraction that wouldn’t just resolve itself during reconstruction. My plastic surgeon’s expert intervention mitigated the situation, but ultimately as the healing process continued, the outcome was less than I’d hoped. That was a bit of a blow. One night after my reconstructive surgery, when I was particularly struggling with grief over the loss, I couldn’t sleep. As I lay awake processing my grief with the Lord and pouring my heart out before Him, I prayed, “Lord, I so want You to be glorified, and I so want to honor You with how I walk through this, but I’m just really struggling right now, and I need You to comfort me.” I began listening to a podcast on Psalm 119, and that was such a comfort to me. I finally fell asleep at 4:30 in the morning, drifting off as I thanked the Lord for His ways and His character and His glorious Word.

Lemme tell ya, when I asked the Lord for comfort, He outdid Himself! I was awakened at 9:00 am by a phone call from Kerry, who was calling to tell me that a dream of my heart that I had prayed about for years was about to become a reality! My extravagant God was pouring out His tender kindness upon me. It’s a beautiful story that has moved many when I share it, but this blog is too long already, so we’ll save that story for another day. ;)  Suffice it to say, my Lord was about to give me opportunities to enjoy rest, beauty, and healing beyond what I had imagined or hoped.

So there you have it (if you’re still hanging in there with me, lol)! My story, and the story of God’s personal involvement and faithful orchestrating of that story. My prayer warrior friends prayed for miraculous healing, and I did in fact receive that miraculous healing. I suppose for some, it would seem more miraculous or glorious if it had been instantaneous, but in hindsight, though it was a longer process, I see my healing as no less miraculous. In fact, I believe there were other ways the Lord knew I needed healing, and He was going to use cancer as His tool to do that.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t look in the mirror every day and wish things were different, or that I didn’t miss sexual expression with my precious hubby unencumbered by some of the complexities we must now navigate. But pressed to choose, I would choose the richness of today. I am so grateful for the good God has brought from this journey, but I’m also grateful for what I’ve experienced during this season of suffering. Because this battle has prepared me for future battles. It has given me a paradigm for how I can move through suffering, yet still have peace and even joy. 

In Matthew chapter 24, my Commander-in-Chief describes the events that must take place before His return and the birthing of His Kingdom in its fullest expression. Scary stuff. As I look around at the convergence of world events, I can’t help but sense (I speak for myself here, and not for my husband and the ALCS team) that much more suffering for believers is on the horizon. Fixing my eyes on the outcome of those birth pains is what will get me through when that time comes for me. (Hebrews 12:1-3) But I also have hope for the process. Because during this journey with breast cancer, I have lived what it means to be hidden and held. To be swept up in His arms and to sometimes watch events play out almost from an aerial view. Strangely, as I look back, it feels like I won a battle I didn’t even have to fight. I just had to cling to my Lord with every fiber of my being, turn to Him at each step, and then let Him fight for me.

Friend, if you are suffering, I hope that my testimony to the Lord’s character and faithfulness can be an encouragement. Although He is a God to be feared, and it’s His way or the highway, for those who fear Him, trust Him, and seek His face and His kingdom, He is so overwhelmingly faithful, tender and kind, and even extravagantly generous! He is a Good Father, who delights in blessing His children. If you are not experiencing being hidden and held during your suffering, I encourage you to go to Him and talk to Him about that. Just open up your heart, share with Him what you’re feeling, ask Him if there’s things He would like to say to you, and then be still and listen.  He already knows what you’re feeling, but He wants you to talk to Him about it. He longs for connection with you. For intimacy and relationship. He wants you to come to know Him deeper through this difficult journey.

Although there’s value in wrestling with God like Jacob Genesis 32:22-32 (simply because wrestling means we continue to stay engaged with Him in spite of the confusion and pain), the greatest victory comes through surrender and submission, so let me encourage you to come to Him humbly and vulnerably, not blasting Him in your anger, but sharing what’s underneath – the confusion, the grief, the fear. He knows pain quite well Himself, and He understands. Bare your soul before Him, and let it out. Invite Him into the suffering and let Him suffer alongside you … and then anticipate His response to you.

By coming to Him humbly and submissively, we forego much of the agony of the wrestling. We will not find answers to our questions, and it’s not our job to put God on trial. Job did that (Job 38:1-3, 40:1-8). And yet what ultimately brought Job peace, submission (Job 42:1-6), and blessing (Job 42:10) was not answers, but a greater revelation of the God he served, and comfort from His presence. That’s what will bring you and me peace too. Seeing His face, and experiencing His presence.

I see the attack of this disease upon my body as a necessary evil. God did not delight in the grief and pain and loss I experienced, any more than He delighted in the horrific pain His beloved Son experienced when He took on the consequences of my sin and yours in the ultimate act of obedience and submission. Yet the Father knew that the overwhelming weight and pain of His Son’s unimaginable suffering as He went to the cross on our behalf was necessary for a greater good. It was necessary to birth a Kingdom. I believe my pain and yours is necessary to birth the Kingdom too. (Acts 14:22) In His timeless, all-knowing perspective, God sees things that we could never understand. He knew that His son would be resurrected in the ultimate victory over suffering and death, and He knows a resurrection awaits us too! We cannot fathom the glory and the blessings that the Father is eagerly anticipating being able to lavish upon His beloved ones, even as He methodically ticks off milestones on the path that will pave the way for that glorious day.  Eyes have not seen nor ears have heard what He has prepared for those who love Him! (1 Corinthians 2:9)

Your suffering matters, and the way you move through your suffering matters. I invite you to ask the Lord for His help in the process of your suffering, because you cannot do this process well in your own strength. No matter! He is eager to help you! He delights in the victory of His child warriors as step by step, we learn to wield spiritual weapons effectively, and develop Kingdom hearts and warrior grit! He wants to help us become overcomers! He is just waiting for us to ask. Ask Him to help you do this process of suffering well and to accomplish all of His good purposes in this valley of the shadow of death. Invite Him to bring life from death, and to birth His Kingdom in and through you. And then ask Him to bless you big time! In unexpected ways that show He can do exceedingly abundantly above all you can ask or even imagine! (Ephesians 3:20-21) And then watch to see how He will respond and bless! Oh, dear friend, if you only knew how much He longs to bless you and do the unimaginable in and through you! You can trust Him to do it as you surrender to Him and cling tightly to Him with all the strength you’ve got! He will fight for you. And He has already won the battle. It’s just yours to walk out. But as you walk it out, you can be assured that you will be hidden and held!

“Heavenly Father, You know the heart of each person reading this blog post right now. You have walked their journey with them and are intimately acquainted with their tears and their suffering. You long for them to come under Your wings, to wrap Your arms around them and hold them tightly to Your chest, carrying them through the flames. You long for them to let their guard down like a trusting child and open up their heart to You. You long to shine Your light on the broken pieces of that heart, reach down with Your big, strong and tender hands toward it, and then shape it and re-form it. You can be trusted with our innermost, Lord, and I pray that each person reading this would be drawn to You. That they would sense Your warmth and comfort flow gently down upon them like a balm. And that they would invite You into private places of their hearts that need Your restoration. You see it all, so there is nothing hidden, but I pray for a sweetness as they humbly and trustingly offer those private places to You. And as they do, I pray that You would respond powerfully! May they know that it was a direct response to their obedience and surrender, Lord, and may they be encouraged to surrender more and more to You. You know our frame, Lord, and You remember that we are dust. We cannot do this without You. Would You please do a miraculous work in the heart of each reader who reaches out to You? Our Creator and our Re-Creator, as You are exquisitely re-fashioning us in the image of Your Son, our precious Lord and King, would You help us to co-operate with You in that re-creation process? Give new meaning and purpose to our suffering as we allow You to do your life-giving work, as we let the pain press us into You, instead of tensing against it so that it chokes out the life-source that You so earnestly long to pour into us. Satan is a liar, who wants to kill, steal, and destroy. Who wants to confuse and deceive. Who whispers lies about You - that You cannot be trusted, that Your ways are harsh and cruel and outdated, and that we are merely pawns on your chessboard as You go after what is good for You. Oh Lord, I am so grieved by how Your name has been maligned and Your character so misunderstood. We as Your people have done a horrible job representing You. How can we represent You if we don’t even know You? Really. Experientially. Know You. The world does not know You, but I pray that those reading this blog would come to know You. Really. Experientially. Know You. Satan is a liar! He wants to take us down, to intimidate and distract and deceive us so that we suffer, because he knows the suffering that awaits him when You return in Your glorious power! Oh Lord, we long for that day. A day when all is made right and the world functions according to Your order. A day that leads ultimately to that new Jerusalem and eternal light, peace, and joy in Your presence. Lord, may Your name be sanctified, and may You raise up a generation of Kingdom warriors who will prepare the way for Your return. Warriors like David who looked into the face of a giant unafraid and said, “You will not talk about my God like that!” May the readers of this blog (but me first, Lord, please!) come to know You in a way that inspires that kind of faith and fierce loyalty. Because they know Your heart. They know Your power. They know Your righteousness. And they know Your intimate, life-transforming, soul-changing, ever-faithful love. And they are confident and unafraid as they look into the face of the enemy. Raise up those kind of Kingdom warriors. And use our suffering to do it. May You be gloried in us, our Glorious King, our Savior, our Righteous Judge, our Shepherd and Overseer, our Commander, our Victor, our Refuge, our Shelter, our Rock, our Healer, and our Strength. Truly, there is no God like You, and we are privileged to serve You. Thank You for our suffering. And thank You for Your glorious presence and power that hides and holds us as You use it to accomplish things beyond our wildest imagination. We offer ourselves to You because we love You and we trust You.
Amen.”

Kerry is the founder and director of Abundant Life Counseling Services. He works with individuals on a wide range of issues, but specializes in marriage counseling, sex therapy, counseling for sexual addiction, affair recovery counseling, and counseling for same-sex attraction and gender dysphoria. Kerry counsels clients from our North Austin location. For more information about Kerry's practice, or to schedule an appointment with Kerry, call us today!

This time of year can bring a lot of jitters for kiddos heading back to school. And sometimes, these jitters may come out in ways that are not so fun for parents. Over my 29 years of experience working with children and adolescents (and raising four adult boys), there are tools and strategies that I have found to be helpful in navigating this transition smoothly. Read on for ways to help your child approach back-to-school with a more positive mindset that will help them experience success.

When we have anxiety about something coming up, knowing what to expect and having conversations about what to anticipate can calm fears and bring security. I always encourage parents to give their kids plenty of time to adjust to the idea of a new school year, anticipating when it will start, what the first day of school will look like, and what daily routines they can expect.

Understanding when school starts and what the weeks will be like leading up to the start date is an important starting point. I encourage you to have a calendar and write important dates on it, especially the first day of school. It can be fun for children to get involved by decorating the calendar and helping put important items on the days.

Talking about what the first day will look like NOW will help reduce some anxiety they could be having. The more they know, the better they will feel as they wake up that morning. They might need a special friend (stuffed animal, little fidget, sticker, etc.) in their backpack. It is not a bad idea to have a trial run the day before. You can even make the trial run day a “fun” day after they get up and out the door on time.

Establishing or re-establishing routines and schedules is important since summer often leads to not having a very set schedule. Here are some suggested guidelines for getting used to a school schedule:

• I recommend 4 - 5 days of more routine-like days before school starts.
• Set a bedtime and a wake-up time at least a few days before the first day.
• Engage kids for ideas when setting a routine so that they have ownership.
•  If possible, give choices when establishing routines.

Some examples of areas that could bring opportunities for choices and compromises could include:

• Brush teeth / hair before shoes on or after
• Homework after snack or before snack
• Shower before getting backpack ready or after

Success builds confidence, so the more our children experience success, the less anxious and more confident they will be. Sometimes our kids need our help establishing boundaries around things like schedules, sleep, and getting organized to ensure the best chances for success.

It’s important to manage time and distractions by figuring out what the morning and afternoon responsibilities will be and establishing boundaries for television / technology. The more our kids understand the expectations for morning and after school, the easier it will be to manage challenging behaviors. Some examples of boundaries I encourage around television and technology include:

• No television or computer / phone before school
• Earning technology time after school if morning responsibilities were met
• Earning technology the next day if bedtime routine was met

Sometimes, in order to take care of our kids and help them be successful, boundaries need to be placed around other things as well. Kids can be really busy nowadays after school. Try to keep in mind the importance of sleep for them. Sleep is ESSENTIAL for them (especially teens). Children 6-13 years old need 9-11 hours of sleep, while teens do best with 8-10 hours of sleep. Homework can spill into sleep time as our kiddos get older. Having open conversations about the importance of sleep and limiting technology/screen time is important for their success, and more importantly, their mental well-being and overall health.

Getting organized is essential for success, and may be a challenge, especially for our older kiddos transitioning to middle/high school. Most schools create the opportunity for students to transition from one class to another for every subject, which can be overwhelming. People recommend different thoughts on how to stay and get organized. The most important thing is what works for you and your kiddo. Here are a few approaches to discuss with your child.

• 2 back-pack method : one for “A” day and the 2nd one for “B” day.
• Different folders for each day (can be different colors too).
• Folder for each class or one big one for the entire day.

(The most important organization strategy is to have a place to put homework and to ensure homework assignments are being checked after school).

The most important thing is to nurture a strong connection with your child. This is an ongoing process that requires open communication. It may seem daunting to have open communication, especially with teenagers, but here are some suggestions:

• Have check-ins, often throughout the year, especially with your teens.
• Offer a safe place to talk (The car is a great place for this!)
• Validate what they say! This doesn’t mean you must agree, but that you HEAR what they are saying.
• PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE your kiddos, even for the little things they do.

(Sidenote: Along with open communication with your child, your child’s teacher also appreciates hearing from you, too. Most teachers enjoy an email introducing yourself and letting them know you are available if any issues arise. This can also pave the way for healthy parent / teacher boundaries later.)

Back-to-school jitters will settle down, most often, within a few weeks. Sometimes, your child may experience more stress and bigger emotions than expected, but regardless, there will be emotions! If you notice your child isolating or being more angry or irritable than normal, check in with them. They may need some extra time or attention from you to cope with their emotions. Spending time doing one of the following activities may be just the thing they need to open up about what’s going on inside.

• Go for a walk
• Listen to music
• Play a game
• Cook dinner together
• Watch a movie together (no phones)
• Look at their homework with them

Sometimes, your child may prefer to use these coping tools on their own, or even to talk to someone else, but the important thing is to let them know you see the changes in their behavior brought on by their emotions, and that you care about them. Communicating that you love them, that you know this can be a difficult time, and that you are there for them paves the way for more conversation. You can’t always expect an answer right away, but you have opened the space for them to feel safe. Most often, they will come talk (or vent) about how they feel.

At times, children and teens may not feel comfortable talking to mom and / or dad. If that time comes, know that I would be honored to come alongside your child during these more difficult times. If you or your child would like to meet with me or another counselor at Abundant Life Counseling Services, please contact our office. We don’t want you to be alone during these stressful times and we would be honored to walk this journey with your child and family.

This time of year can cause more stress, bigger emotions, and more chaos. It’s natural. However, as you help your child know what to expect, establish routines and get organized, and stay connected through open communication, they will see their successes and it will calm down. Listening to and supporting them along the way from a calm place will strengthen your relationship and help them transition easier, and if you need more help, we are here for you!

YOU GOT THIS!!!